To Blog...Nakeia

Nothing to Loose...Everything to Gain

2012-02-09T11:27:00.009-05:00

When you have nothing to loose, you have everything to gain. That is why many people experience their biggest breakthroughs and turn a rounds during the most difficult times in their lives. When you have nothing, your desire to acquire is fueled by your needs. If you are anything like me, when you need something, you do what is necessary to get it.

People who have nothing to loose:

Take more risks
Exhaust their resource
Roll with the punches

If you want to experience a complete turn a round in your life, you are going to have to take more risks. You are your greatest investment. And just like all other investments, you need to do the research, consider your options, and go for it. Besides, if you have nothing and you loose, all you can actually loose is NOTHING.

Your resources are your source of help, your backup, your solution, and your non-conventional commerce. Your talent and gifts will take you places your education may not. Who you know is sometimes more important that what you know. And if you really need a breakthrough in your life, you must ask, seek, and knock. People who have nothing to loose will endure the many no’s just to get to the one yes!

People who ask the question…What do I have to loose?… have probably experienced a few punches that have knocked them down. If you have been hit by life more than once, then you know what it’s like to get back up. People who have nothing to loose, take the hits and roll with the punches. In an actual fight, people who have nothing to lose are the scariest to go up against. They have a I’m going to do whatever ever I need to do to win attitude, and it may be the last round, but those kind of people usually when.

Here is Your Approach:

If you have nothing to loose, you really only have everything to gain. Consider your need---whatever it is---you are going to have to do what you need to do to get it.

Start by taking more risks. You have been held back by fear, doubt, and uncertainty. One thing that’s certain is that if you have nothing, you risk nothing, therefore you loose nothing.

Exhaust your resources. Find other people, other options, and do something different, to get what you want. If what you have been doing was going to work, it would have done so by now. Keep asking, seeking, and knocking.

Finally, toughen up and roll with the punches. If you know what it’s like to get knocked down, then you know what it’s like to get back up. Develop an I’m going to do whatever ever I need to do to win attitude and keep fighting until the last round!

To Blog…Nakeia

Over Night Success

2012-02-02T13:25:00.003-05:00

Are you willing to loose sleep over it?

Your job, your career, your hobby, your purpose---are you willing to work so earnestly at mastering it, that you literally sacrifice your sleep to get things done?

Some people lie awake all night worrying about their bills, their relationships, and their level of success. Others spend their nights in motion as they plan, develop, and craft their way to their desired level of success.

Some people allow their circumstances to completely exhaust them.
Others exhaust every resource, opportunity, and connection to change their circumstances.

Achieving significant success is not always an easy task. It requires commitment, revelation, and most importantly---action.

You may need to work a 9-5 during the day; and work 6-10 on your business and an exit plan at night. If you are like me, you may need to take care of your home and children during the day and then put them to bed and work on your business through the night. You may need to work all week making connections and creating content; and then spend your weekend taking courses that will make you an expert in your field.

If you are not willing to loose sleep over it, then I am here to tell you, you don’t really want it.

If you have sacrificed your sleep to study, research, create, and build for the sake of your significant success, these words are for you:

People don’t become successful overnight, but over night many successful people become.

Here’s your approach:

If you have questions about what you really want to do with your life, create a list of the things you are doing currently and the things you are considering. Once you have created your list, put a star next to the things you would be willing to sacrifice your weekends, after-work time, and even sleep to master and then put them to the test.

To Blog…Nakeia

The Uncommon Life

2012-01-26T13:42:00.002-05:00

Ordinary just isn’t good enough for me. I don’t know how to be common, unremarkable, usual, or customary. That is why I have always had a hard time fitting in.

I spent the first half of my life apologizing for standing out in a crowd. I wouldn’t raise my hand in class or seminar when I knew the answer to the question being asked so people wouldn’t think---that I thought---I had all of the answers.

I would often ease into a room unassumingly as not to call attention to myself; because I was worried people would mistake my happy confidence for apparent superiority.

Now I am all grown up. Actually, let’s face it, I’m pretty old now---- and I have come to realize that confining myself to an image that will make others comfortable, not only limits me but it is a disservice to those who need me to be authentically me.

In the industries that I work in, both in entertainment and in personal development, people pay me to be uncommon, stand out in a crowd, have the answers they need, and command a room! Ironic, isn’t it?

People are attracted to authenticity. However uncommon, remarkable, and unusual you may be, if you are shown to be trustworthy and genuine, people will welcome you into their space. In a crowded room, the person who stands out will also be the person everyone wants to meet. In the marketplace the business that is remarkable and unusual will also be the business---with the most---business.

Many are in search of purpose. People are tired of life as usual. You want to live a bolder, better, UNCOMMON life!

Well, you have my permission to raise your hand, call attention to yourself, and please, by all means, be unapologetically authentic!

Here’s your approach to an unordinary---uncommon life:

Get comfortable in your own skin. Being authentically you may make a few others uncomfortable, but that is their issue and not yours. Being naturally confident is not the same as being superior in nature. When you surround yourself with the right people, those people will be confident too and welcome you into their space.

Serve others by being who you are. Never forget that someone else is depending on you to succeed. Your confidence, your talents, and your unique purpose have not been entrusted to you---just for you. Embrace the things that make you stand out from the crowd, because one day someone will want to pay you for it.

To Blog…Nakeia

Happy Moments

2012-01-19T14:05:00.003-05:00

I just started a twitter and facebook fan page a couple of weeks and I am far from a savvy tweeter, but I am leaning. If you follow me on twitter @nakeiachomer or if you are a fan on facebook, then you know that at the end of each day, I ask the question:

What was your happiest moment of the day?

That question started with me about 3 years ago when I found myself complaining more than usual. I don’t think it’s healthy to complain at all, but at that particular time in my life, every time I opened my mouth it was to complain.

That complaining went from constant lip service to an actual physical feeling of constant unhappiness. Because complaining is an outward expression of unhappiness or discontent, what I was verbalizing outwardly was just a manifestation of what I was feeling internally. I found myself frowning all of the time and literally waking up and looking for something to complain about.

I remember receiving a text message from a client asking for some emotional support during a moment of struggle, and ignoring her text. In that moment I said to myself I am not the right person for her to talk to today. Really? If- I- was not- the right-person- for her- to talk to- then- who- was?

At that moment I sat down and began a list of just 5 things that I was happy about. That list of 5 turned into a list of 25 and before I went to bed that night I asked myself the question:

What was your happiest moment of the day?

I have asked myself and my family that question every night since then. In order to come up with an answer every night, I had to search for happy moments sometimes. If I smiled or laughed, if I felt content or satisfied, I would wonder if one of those times would be my moment of complete happiness for the day. Because I wouldn’t allow myself to go to bed without defining a happy moment, I would create one by thinking of a joke so I could laugh out loud or I would go and have a conversation with my 6 year old because she always makes me happy.

All of the wasted energy I used to complain, I now use to find reasons to be happy. In the midst of a bad day, I make a choice to be happy.

Here’s your approach:

If you find yourself complaining about the things you are unhappy about, challenge yourself to find just one thing that made you feel happy that day. Make a commitment to yourself not to go to bed without defining a happy moment. It will be hard to find things to complain about when you are looking for reasons to be happy.

To Blog…Nakeia

What Were You Thinking?

2012-01-12T14:01:00.003-05:00

Without a doubt, most of you were excited about the New Year. You were pumped! You were motivated! You were driven---and on the 12th day of the New Year---you have already lost some steam.

Now I don’t blame you completely. You have a lot going on. Your bank account has lost more weight than you resolved to. Your biggest supporters are busy supporting themselves. You are doing so much right now, you can hardly keep up---and you feel like if you can just have a moment to catch your breath, you just may be able to catch up.

I have one question for you---WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?!

Actually I know what you were thinking. You were thinking that this year would be your year. You thought you could take it all on at once---and you really thought this time would be the time that you finally did it. BUT---you’re doing too much! Stop trying to do it all and start doing what makes sense.

You are only 12 days in, and this time will be the time you do it…

…if---you Simply Do What Makes Sense™

If what you are doing to achieve your goal is tiring you out, getting you out of focus, and causing you to second guess yourself, it doesn’t make sense. AND---if it doesn’t make sense, don’t do it.

I want that to be your theme for the year.

Here’s your approach:

Take out your list of resolutions. Now tear it up and throw it away. You don’t need it.

If writing a list of things could make you successful, you would have accomplished your goals the day you wrote them down.

Now close your eyes and get a clear picture of how you want your year to be. Once you see the vision, write it down in vivid detail. Who are you? How do you look? What are you doing? How do you feel?

On another sheet of paper, write down your reality in those areas. Who are you now? What do you look like now? What are you doing now? How do you feel now?

Your next move is simple.

Eliminate one thing every week from your reality, that is not apart of the clear vision you have for your future. If what you are doing, saying, feeling, and living don’t fit the vision; eliminate it---one action, one word, one thought at a time.

Make this year your year by simply doing what makes since!

To Blog…Nakeia

Not Another New Year Themed Blog

2012-01-05T13:33:00.005-05:00

At the top of everyone’s agenda you will find a resolution. I really didn’t want t bore you with another New Year themed blog (and I promise I wont)---BUT---when I walked through the aisles of Wal-Mart seeing nothing but exercise equipment and diet pills---when I turned on the television and saw Jenny Craig, Weight Watcher’s, and The Biggest Loser commercials---I just could help myself.

Now I have no intention of sharing with you my struggles with weight because, quite honestly, that is none of your business. I will however share another something personal.

I wore braces for five years. No, my teeth weren’t that hideous. My grand-mom just couldn’t afford the monthly payment plan we were on, so I was forced to wear braces until my aunt stepped in and began to make the payments for me. Don’t feel sorry for me; I got over it--- and let’s just say my teeth are extra straight.

If you know anything about the process of straightening your teeth with the use of sharp metal wires--- that are woven through metal brackets---that are cemented to your teeth--- and tightened once a month--- to the point of uncomfortable pain--- bare with me as I explain it to those who do not.

Technically, the application of brackets or braces moves the teeth as a result of force and pressure on the teeth. This process loosens the tooth and then new bone grows in to support the tooth in its new position which is technically called bone remodeling. Braces have constant pressure, which over time, move teeth into their proper positions. This movement needs to be done slowly otherwise the patient risks losing his or her teeth. This is why braces are commonly worn for approximately two and a half years and adjustments are only made every three or four weeks.

My process was delayed often over the course of five years because when we did not have the monthly payment, we were not able to get the wires adjusted. At the time, I didn’t mind because I didn’t want to endure the uncomfortable process of getting my teeth straightened. I knew I couldn’t keep the braces on forever, but if I could just get by for just a little while longer, I would be ready the next time. Well next time turned into five years!

Now I am sure that by now you are wondering how my five years of being known as a brace face will connect to resolutions. Well, I have a gift and I am not so modest about it. I have been gifted with the ability to take common issues of everyday life and create a lesson out of it. Also, as promised that I wouldn’t bore you with another New Year themed blog (and I hope you are not bored.)

So here is the lesson:

Every time you put off doing what you need to do to straighten out your life because of lack of money, discomfort, lack of discipline, or whatever your excuses have been, you delay the process and prolong the amount of time you will lack money, feel discomfort, live an undisciplined life, and whatever else you have been experiencing.

Get the connection?

In this New Year, resolve to simply get it done. Whatever it is for you---get it done! Prevent the delays and prolonged discontent. Don’t live your life just getting by until next year. Or---your next year could turn into five years from now---or even worse--- Never.

Since this was a lesson, here is your assignment:

Write down at least one thing that you have been delaying year after year. Now simply get it done! You know what you need to do, so do it. Look past your finances, your discomfort, and all of your other excuses and make this year the year you get it done.

To Blog…Nakeia

Success Through Failure

2011-12-29T11:27:00.005-05:00

This will be my last blog post of 2011. By next week, this time, we will be living in a New Year! I am extremely excited to be leaving this year behind and anxious to begin the next chapter of my life. I have worked very productively throughout this year. I have become a new mommy all over again, and despite all of the chaos that had intruded on my plans for the year, I got things done! I accomplished all of the goals I set and helped others do the same.

My first blog of 2011 included this statistic:

52% of those who make New Year’s Resolutions are confident that they will succeed. However, by the end of the year, only 12% actually achieve their goals.

In that blog, I asked you to join me in creating actionable plans to secure your place among the 12%. Did you do that? Did you fulfill your resolutions? Are you among the 52% that failed, or are you with me among the 12% who succeeded?

If you have failed at your goals for the year--- or have ever failed at any other attempt for that matter--- you are in good company.

Henry Ford: Before Ford was tough, he was broke! His early businesses failed, leaving him broke five times before succeeding.

R. H. Macy: Had 7 failed business before the success of the Macy’s department store we know and love today.

Bill Gates: Before Microsoft there was Traf-O-Data, his first failed business.
Albert Einstein: From a slow to speak, read, and finish school kind of guy to a Nobel Prize Winning father of modern physics.

Soichiro Honda: Turned down by Toyota Motor Corp. for a job before building the billion dollar Honda of today.

Remember, you only have to succeed the last time. ~Brian Tracy

There is no shame in failing if failure is followed by success.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again!
2012 here we come!

What were your successes in 2011? What did you fail to accomplish? What are your plans for 2012?

To Blog...Nakeia

Do Your Thing!

2011-12-22T09:54:00.009-05:00

As a song writer “I put myself out there” in a big way. I expose myself to criticism and rejection, but I also expose myself critical acclaim and acceptance. I do the same thing as speaker and mentor. I have content that I know I have been put on earth to deliver, but sometimes I feel unsure that everyone else will get it. But I do it anyway. I write the songs---I write the blogs---I submit the articles---I delver the content---I expose myself---I put myself out there in a big way. I do my thing!

If you want the acclaim, if you want the acceptance, and if you just want to be able to authentically do what you were born to do, you must put yourself out there. You can not be afraid of the criticism and rejection. You must do your thing no matter what!

I got over my fears of criticism and rejection when I realized one important principle in life.

My life is not my own.

I share my life with my family, neighbors, community, city, state, country, earth, and something even greater than all of that---the INTERNET! What I do not only affects me, but it affects all of those people, places, and things as well--- and out of all of those people, places, and things, someone needs to hear of my mistakes so they don’t make the same ones. Someone else needs to hear of my achievements so they gain hope of the possible achievements they can experience.

Your life is not your own.

Someone not only wants what you have, they need it. Your ability to write, speak, sing, teach, lawyer, build, dance, organize, administer, or whatever it is that YOU do, is your gift to the world---it’s your purpose. Whether you reach many or you reach few, it's your obligation to share your gift in a big way. You are obligated to DO YOUR THING!

Once again I am putting myself out there and doing my thing. I have decided to merge this blog with my business of speaking and mentoring! I will continue to blog, however starting in January you will find my blog at www.nakeiachomer.com. The site is under construction at the moment so please be on the lookout for updates.

What is your gift? Do you use it to serve others? What will you do today to put yourself out there in a big way?

To Blog…Nakeia

Dream Protection Program

2011-12-15T13:35:00.004-05:00

I have probably shared this with you before--- but there is one phrase I distinctively remember hearing from my grandmom as a child. I had big hopes, big ideas, and BIG DREAMS for my life and whenever I would share them with my grandmom, she would say “I hope you get everything you want in life.” Now when she said that I knew she didn’t really think it would happen. She was doing her best to be supportive, but the tone of her voice said it all. I think she thought my big dreams were too big for my reality. If you ask her about it, she may have a different take on that phrase but this is my story and I’m sticking to it.

As a mother of a six year old daughter, I now have the privilege of hearing her BIG DREAMS. When she shares her hopes, ideas and big dreams with me, I make it a point to sound as excited as I feel about my own dreams when I respond to hers. She wants to become a doctor and discover a cure for cancer and I don’t doubt for a second that she can do it! I want her to feel free to dream as big as she possibly can and as her mother I have the responsibility of protecting her dreams until she can protect them herself. I remind her of them when she doesn’t feel like doing her home work. I buy her toys for budding doctors and play “doctor and patient” with her. Last month, I caught her doodling Dr. Kai in her note and I almost cried!

Protecting your dream is a must! It seems simple enough but sometimes our reality makes it difficult for us to reconcile our dreams with what we actually see in our lives everyday. We have to learn to shield our dreams from delays, denials, and detours. We have to make our dreams “NO” proof. We even have to protect our dreams against self-doubt, self-sabotage, and self-imposed limits.

I have spoken with many people who suffered through 2011. Houses were repossessed. Businesses were closed. Marriages were ended. Careers were ruined. Your dream can be the remnant of all of that chaos. When the dust settles your dream can still be standing. All you need is a cause and a plan!

Here are three quick things you can implement today to protect your dream:

Meditate on it. Make it the first thing you think of in the morning and the last thing you think of at night. What you make a priority in your mind because a reality in your life.

Speak highly of it. The worst thing you can do is belittle your dream. Write it out on a piece of paper and frame it. Make it the visual focal point f your office, bedroom, or car dashboard.

Act on it. Take daily action toward making your dream a reality. Spend 30 minutes each day doing something concerning it. You can enroll in a course that will help you become an expert at it.

Whatever you do, keep the dream alive! Big Dreamers experience BIG Lives!

I also wrote about dreams here and here.

What dream have you failed to protect? What will you start doing, today, to protect it? How can I help?

To Blog…Nakeia

Something Different for the New Year

2011-12-08T14:25:00.003-05:00

Last year this time I was working with Stacy. She was chosen to be apart of my Leave 2010 with No Regrets program. Her goal was to end 2010 living with her purpose in mind and intention as her driving force. I must say, Stacy came a long way. She had to work through some serious issues to get to the core of what she really wanted for her life, but she did that--- and some. She even enlisted a few of her friends and started a group that I have had the pleasure of facilitating throughout this year. We titled the group Purpose Seekers (very original, right.?).

Anyway, it was my pleasure to work with Stacy and her group this year and I look forward to working with them in 2012. Go Stacy!

I’ve decided to do something different this year. Instead of mentoring someone through ending the year strong, I have decided to share with you how I spent 2011 achieving a huge goal of my own. This idea came about after meeting many men and women this year with huge ideas and huge goals but absolutely nothing to show for it. I met a man who ran a multi-million dollar real estate company that went under with the economy. He had an idea for a book on how to survive the housing crisis. I met a women who has successfully self-published five books. She had an idea to host a few workshops on how to successfully self-publish a book. I could tell you more stories about more people with more ideas, but I think you get the point.

Here’s the thing, having huge ideas that you are able to brag about at networking events isn’t enough. I don’t want to hear about what you want to do. I want to see what you are doing. There are some people with well intended ideas and goals, including myself, but if you don’t do something about it, all you will ever have is your idea or goal and not a success story. I use to say intention is everything. However, this year I realized that intentional action is everything.

So, with all of that in mind I have decided to share with you the action I took, in 2011, to take my idea for this blog and expand my business by turning it into programs designed to help motivated men, women, teens, find significant success through simple common sense strategies and systems. Now my goal was a professional one, but I was only able to achieve it by working through some personal issues of my own and following a strategic personal development approach.

I am excited to share so stay tuned…

What goal did you achieve in 2011? What are your intentions for 2012?

To Blog… Nakeia

Praise for the BFF

2011-12-01T12:09:00.008-05:00

I had the chance to spend a few hours away from my new Lil’ Mister last weekend. My BFF (yes, some people over the age of 30 still refer to their life-long friends as BFF’s) picked me up and we shopped, talked, and laughed a little. It was great! We have known each other since we were 10 years old and even though we don’t speak everyday---or every week, I can always count on her for honesty, support, and some good old girl talk. And if you know anything about me or my blog, it should not surprise you to hear that I even managed to squeeze in a bit of personal development.

You see, she had recently achieved a major personal accomplishment without even realizing it. After hearing about it I immediately began to celebrate with her and by me celebrating her, it seemed as if she felt a sense of permission to celebrate herself.

It was great! It was also enlightening. I realized two things:

Adults need praise too. As a mother of two, praise has been on autopilot in our home for years. Whenever my daughter---and now my son does something new, wonderful, unique, or just plain cute. We praise them with rewards, compliments, kisses, and hugs. They feel validated and worthy. It also cultivates positive behavior and increases the chances of them doing something praise worthy in the future. The same actually applies to adults. As an administrator, I often used praise to encourage a positive and productive work- flow among my employees. I use it now with my clients and as a speaker and mentor. However, I didn’t always pay as much attention to the celebration I gave my friends and family. Of course I am very liberal with my “good job(s)” and “you look nice(s)”, but to actually take a genuine moment to truly acknowledge the accomplishments of a friend---right on the spot---with a good old celebration is something all together special. When we celebrate others, we also give them the encouragement they need to celebrate themselves.

I need more girls’-day- outings! Shopping, laughing, and some girl (or guy) talk is a must do.

I encourage you to encourage a friend. Find a reason to celebrate your loved ones, employees, and clients. Your praise could be the thing that pushes them to find significant success.

How do you respond to praise? When was the last time you celebrated with a friend? Who, in your life, deserves a celebration?

To Blog…Nakeia

Blogging, Bantar, and Newness...

2011-11-17T10:33:00.007-05:00

I am excited to have finally released the pause button! Last Thursday was my first day back to the world of blogging---and do I have a lot to say or do I have a lot to say?!.

First, let me say that my high school english teacher would be horrified to read my blogs. While I was away, I actually read through all of the blogs I have written and came to the realization that I need to re-visit English 101. I have always had a bad habit of not proof reading my work. Most of the time I get someone else to do that for me, but I didn't think I needed to do that for the blog. I usually write as I think and think as I write---which actually helps me as a song writer, but not so much as a blogger. So, you will be pleased to know that I will be proof reading my work from now on.

Second, I must also say that among my grammaticlly incorrect, typo filled, and sometimes bantaring blogs, I have some great tips, stories, and how-to's in my blog library. I even managed to encourage, mentor, and make my self laugh while reading through the past 177 blogs. So, when you get a moment, I suggest you take a look through the archives.

Third---and last for now---I am excited about the newness I have experienced in my personal and professional life and I can't wait to share it with you! I will continue to blog every Thursday until the end of the year---and---starting in January, I will go back to blogging everyday.

P.S. I will proof read starting with next week's blog.

To Blog...

Nakeia

When All Else Fails...

2011-11-10T12:58:00.008-05:00

Nothing in this world could have prepared me for this...

Not even this blog I wrote 3 weeks before delivering my son Chase (whom I affectionately call Lil' Mister). I was prepared to welcome my healthy baby boy into this world, armed with my camera, cell phone (So my family back home can listen in), and the cutest new born outfit I could find. I was eager to change his diaper, bath him, comb his hair and coddle him for the first time. I was looking forward to seeing what his first night in this new world would be like for him. I wanted to experience the first times he closed his eyes for the night and opened them to welcome in the next day. I was looking forward to the moment I could introduce him to his big sister--- witnessing the look on her face as she walked into our hospital room and saw me holding her little brother. I was looking forward to walking him out of the hospital doors after 2 days and into the house we had just moved in to (because we needed to make room for him).

Yet instead of the perfect scene I had imagined and prepared for, My son was whisked away from me and his father---minutes after he was born---and rushed to the NICU (Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit) where he stayed for 14 days, 19 hours, and 30 minutes. We were only permitted to interact with him for 1hour a few times a day...

A nurse changed his diaper, bathed him, combed his hair, and coddled him for the first time. I missed seeing his eyes close for the night and open the next morning. Total strangers spent the night with my son, while I sat, with my husband, in a lonely hospital room questioning every move I had made during my pregnancy, every lie I ever told, every person I ever offended, and every night I forgot to say a prayer before bed.

On day 6, as I walked out of the hospital leaving my baby in the care of doctors, nurses, and other staff, I felt horrified, guilty, empty, and strongly aware of the fact that there are some things that I just can't prepare for.

When we are faced with those things, we must replace preparation with faith. I wasn't prepared for my son to enter into this world under such unimaginable conditions, but my faith assured me that things would turn out just as they should---and they did. My Lil' Mister is healthy, happy, and ALWAYS hungry!

...When all else fails, have faith.

What have you been unprepared for lately? What have you needed to have fath in? How have you handled recent unimaginable conditions?

To Blog...

Nakeia

Pressing Pause

2011-07-29T12:59:00.004-04:00

There are times in my life when I have come across something that is so important to me that it requires my undivided attention. For instance, I not so literally pressed the pause button for everything else in my life to graduate high school and then college. I pressed it again to plan a wedding and relocate to another state to be with my husband. Yet again, I pressed pause to assist my husband in building our music production company---and again to develop my business as a makeup artist.

I must say, however, none of those times were more significant than pressing pause to welcome the arrival of my baby girl. She rightfully planted herself right-smack- dab (whatever that actually means) in the middle of my life and occupied 99.9% of my time, energy, and undivided attention. Without hesitation I put everything else on hold to make sure that I gave her what she needed to grow into a healthy, responsible, respectful, and loving young toddler. I didn’t want distractions or opportunity for excuses to prevent me from living up to my responsibility as a mother, so I pressed pause until I could handle being the best mother I could be and then slowly added those things I put on hold back into my life.

Sometimes we can get so inundated with our to-do lists, success logs, and daily routines that we fail to focus on the one thing that will make all of the other things worth while. We suffer burn-outs, fail to achieve goals, and put off doing what’s important when all we really need to do is press pause. It is important to remember that what you pay attention to will grow---the object of your affection will be the object that defines your future.

As I prepare to press pause once again to welcome the arrival of my baby boy, I want you to consider using a pause button of your own. Ask yourself if it’s time for you to focus your undivided attention on something that you have been putting off, some place where you have not been getting the results you desire, or the one thing that will make all of the other things in your life worth while.

The next time you hear from me, I will be the proud mama of a brand new baby boy---talk to you in a few weeks!

To Blog…Nakeia

If The Truth Fits...

2011-07-22T14:07:00.004-04:00

I spent most of my life fighting reality. The reality of who my parents were, who raised me, where I lived, how much money I had, my struggles to be successful--- and more reality and more reality---made me wish my life was different. As a child I would day dream about living in a big white house with a mom that baked cookies and a dad that spent his life fixing things. When I would open my eyes and see that I was still in my own little room in a little apartment in the projects, I would wonder why God would choose that life for me…

Now, years later, I have discovered the power to change some of those realities. I have also discovered the fact that no matter how hard I try, some realities just can’t be changed. My parents are who they are… My childhood was what it was… And the life God chose for me is the one that I am supposed to live.

Today is Friday and I have spent most of this week talking to some neighbors, friends, clients, and strangers about my reality. I do that often---sharing my reality and my truth, that is--- and I realize that my reality fits me... my truth fits me---and as I share them with others I am fulfilling my purpose to inspire, empower, and teach others to change what they can and accept what they can’t as part of what is needed for them to fulfill their own purpose.

What ever life you have been given is uniquely yours. Your reality is made for you and your truth is apart of a grander plan to give you the freedom to live the life you were born to live. Instead of fighting it, I encourage you to change the part of your reality that you have the power to change and embrace the truth that has made you uniquely you.

To Blog…Nakeia

What do you want to change about your life? What truth about your past has contributed, positively, to the person you are today? What’s in the story of your life that could help someone else?

Prepare For The Best

2011-07-14T13:33:00.005-04:00

As I approach the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy, I realized something very significant about how parents prepare for the birth of a child. Typically, we prepare for the worst---which, when you really think about it, is a horrible way to welcome one of the most significant events in ones life.

We prepare ourselves for the pain of labor and delivery by attending birthing classes, studying up on pain medications, and listening to horror stories of other deliveries.

We prepare ourselves for sleepless nights with crying babies by attempting to get extra sleep before the baby is born and welcoming offers from the grandparents to attend to the baby during the day.

We prepare for diaper rashes by stocking up on creams. We prepare for fevers by stocking up on infant friendly medications. We prepare to fail at nursing by stocking up on formula.
In my preparation, I thought to myself what if the worst never happens…what if everything goes well. What will I do with all of the creams, medications, and grandparents?!?

Now of course every parent hopes for a healthy delivery and birth--- and in preparing we just want to make sure that we are not caught off guard. But I couldn’t help but think back to the delivery and birth of my first child. My husband and I were very strategic in our preparation. I asked God to give us a child that would sleep through the night, eat well, and never get sick. Well that is exactly what we received. My daughter was the best baby ever! No sleepless nights, diaper rashes, or fevers; and in six years she has never experienced more than a running nose. The worst never happened and that is exactly what we prepared for this time around!

How do you prepare for major events in your life? Do you prepare for the worst and just hope it never happens? No one wants to be caught off guard---but just think about how pleasant life would be if you prepared for the best possible outcome and that is exactly what you received. I am sure if you take the time to think back on your past experiences, you will find that the worst rarely ever happened---if it happened at all. I want you to adopt the belief that you get what you ask for and what you prepare for every time. When you prepare with that in mind, you create an atmosphere for the best possible outcome to happen.

Prepare for the best! When you prepare for the best, you leave no room for the worst to happen.

To Blog…Nakeia

Different From The Rest...

2011-06-23T12:06:00.005-04:00

Have you ever purchased a brand new car, driven it off of the lot, and then noticed that seemingly ever other person in your city was driving the same exact car. Well, that may be an exaggeration. However, it does seem as if the minute you purchase or want to purchase something, you immediately begin to notice how many other people have already made the same purchase. For some this may make the purchase that much more appealing. You may think to yourself, if everyone else has it, it must be a great buy. For others, the idea of driving the same car as your neighbor from two houses down is not so appealing. You may feel like a copycat, unoriginal, and not like the trend setter you thought you were.

We have all heard that trends come and go, but in a world with more than ten different mainstream versions of essentially the same type of social networking, it has become increasingly more difficult to be an original anything. Most people do what most people do. In other words, people have began to only get involved in something when they hear that everyone else is doing it. It’s almost like high school. You know how we use to run home from school and beg our parents to buy us the jeans that the most popular girl or guy in school wore that day- in the hopes that we too could become the popular girl or guy in school.

Here’s the thing, if everyone else is driving it, wearing it, creating it, or leading the way with it, not only does the world not need you to do it, if you did it, I doubt if anyone would notice. That’s right, NO ONE WOULD NOTICE YOU.

If you want to get some notice- with your business, on your job, or even in your own home- you are going to have to do something different. What’s different about you is what sets you apart. What’s different about you is what will generate interest. What’s different about you may be exactly what the world needs.

We don’t another television reality star, social networking site, cell phone app, or the next Oprah. Learn to be an original in a world full of knock-offs!

To Blog…Nakeia

What makes you different form the rest? How can you use that difference to make money, impact your community, or influence the next generation?

Don't You Dare Compare

2011-06-15T12:24:00.011-04:00

When you compare yourself to others, you limit yourself to their abilities.

Think about it. When you look at another person’s car, house, business, or family in admiration, your mind often shifts into wonder mode. You may wonder what that person does for a living. You may wonder how old he/she is and how long it took him/her to get it. You may even wonder what else that person may possess and what his/her bank account may state. Eventually, your mind will leave wonder mode and shift into why mode. You may ask yourself why don’t I drive a car like that, why is it taking me so long to get what I want, or why don’t I have a lot of money in the bank. Finally, after leaving wonder and why mode, your mind will probably spend the rest of the day in automatic replay mode. You will undoubtedly begin to replay all of the mistakes you have made over the years. You will think of the college you should have attended, the courses you should have taken, the state you should have moved to, and even the guy or girl you should have married.
While in automatic replay mode, you will begin to compare yourself to friends and co-workers, family members and even enemies. If you stay in this mode long enough, you may even visualize yourself living their lives, driving their cars, and spending their money. Your life now looks even worse than you thought.

What if you stop comparing yourself to others and start being inspired by them? What if the car you could buy from the money you made from your new business was a year or two newer than theirs? What if the inspiration you felt from the family you saw led you to create the family of your dreams?

You could be far more successful than the people you secretly envy if you simply stop comparing and start getting inspired.

Start by thinking of one person in or around your life that you have been comparing yourself to. Write down all of the things you admire about them--- their lifestyle and their possessions. Now simply tell yourself that you can have that…AND MORE. The AND MORE insert is very important because your talents, gifts, and vision may extend far beyond the other person’s reach.

Once you have you list, I want you to shift into wonder mode. Become amazed in admiration of what you could achieve, acquire, and reveal about yourself. Next, allow yourself to shift into why mode. Ask yourself why NOT me. There will be no good answer to that question because you CAN have everything you want in life if you doo what it takes to get it. Finally, settle into replay mode. Allow your mind to replay all of your dreams and goals that you have set and visualize yourself achieving them.

Since you were the one who set the limits; you have the ability to remove them. Do it today!

To Blog…Nakeia

Who inspires you? Do you compare yourself to others?

The Word NO

2011-06-09T12:51:00.007-04:00

As I prepare to welcome our baby boy into the family, I can’t help but think of my baby girl. She just turned six years old last month, and my husband and I have been replaying her toddler days over and over in our minds. As we reminisce on all of her firsts--- her first smile, her first words, her first steps… we realize that we were in complete awe of her---and still are.

I remember the first time I told her NO. She was grabbing for my favorite earrings so I grabbed her hand and said NO. She looked at me as if I had two heads, and then went for the earrings again. That grab match went on for a few more seconds until I handed her one of her favorite toys to distract her from the lure of my favorite earrings.

Six years later, my baby girl still looks at me as if I have two heads when I tell her NO. I don’t know about you, but I do not like hearing the word NO either. When I make a request, I expect it to be granted. But as an adult, I realize that hearing the word NO has taught me much more than always hearing YES could have.

Joyce Spizer says something like… NO is a word you encounter on your path to YES.

Now when I first heard that phrase I thought to myself…what’s that suppose to mean. Then, after years of being an entrepreneur, I realized that life doesn’t have to end at NO. That is when the phrase… No is a word you encounter on your path to YES, started to make perfect sense to me. I have heard the word NO many times, but those NO’s made the one Yes I needed mean that much more. Hearing the word NO taught me patience, perseverance, and diligence. It has even forced me to miss a good opportunity only to stumble upon a great one.

I am somewhat of a realist. So, I understand that hearing the word NO is not a pleasant experience. There have been times when hearing a music executive say NO to a song I have poured my heart in soul into made me feel like a baby girl, hearing NO for the first time. And I sat there staring at that person as if he had two heads, I felt like storming out in tears. But instead, I just played another song and sometimes yet another, until I heard the word YES.

Patience, perseverance, and diligence are characteristics that you will never learn from always hearing YES. And if you have plans of being successful at anything, you are going to need them. However unpleasant the word NO can be, I want you to remember that life doesn’t have to end with that NO. All you need is one YES; and you will only hear it if you don’t give up!

To Blog…Nakeia

Do you just give up when someone tells you NO? What has hearing the word NO taught you?

Waiting On Perfect

2011-06-01T16:05:00.004-04:00

You can plan it.

You can meet on it.

You can talk about it.

You can blog about it.

But...it will not get done until you do it.

This is not just a fact but it is a principle that I know ALL successful people come to realize early on.

There will never be the perfect time, perfect place, or perfect circumstance. When you really think about it, there always seems to be something that could be better.

You have a choice. You can sit, plan, prepare, research, and wait on perfect...or you can just start. You can start your book, start your blog, start your cupcake business, or start your marketing firm and watch your wonderful self create perfection right before your very own eyes.

Waiting on perfect will get you no where, but starting certainly will.

To Blog...Nakeia

Do you believe perfect exists? What could you start today?

Busy Being Productive...

2011-05-26T12:40:00.004-04:00

No matter who I talk to---no matter what day of the week it is--- I always hear the busy complaint. I hear:

I am so busy. I just don’t know what to do with myself.

I am so tired. There’s just not enough time in the day.

I can’t wait until the weekend so I can just relax!

No matter the specific complaint, there is one underlying theme that I hear flowing through the actual words. That theme is---I am busy not being productive.

I have been working with a client as well as my husband on the issue of productivity this week and I couldn’t help but remember some of my older posts on the subject. You can find those posts here, here, and here.

If you have been busy, then it is safe to say that you have been occupied, full of bustle, not free, active, and not available for use. All of those things would be great if they were followed by some sort of intentional results.

If you have been productive, then it is safe to say that you have been yielding something, creating something, causing something, or presenting something. In the case of being productive, an intentional action was followed by an intentional result.

Besides trying out some of the tips you read in the older posts linked above, before you begin an activity, ask yourself if that action will yield, create, cause, or present the intentional result you desire.

To Blog…Nakeia

Have you experienced a productive week so far? Do you spend your days being busy or productive? What tip could you implement today that will allow you to experience a more productive life?

Birthdays and Jump Starts

2011-05-20T10:59:00.004-04:00

I was having a belated birthday lunch (Happy Birthday to Me!) with two of my friends yesterday, when I heard a question that I have heard so many times before. One of my friends asked does anyone know of a way that I can lose 10lbs fast. She is actually in a wedding that will take place in 2weeks and just wanted to get rid of a little extra weight gained by over indulging for the past few months.

I have also heard that weight loss question asked in this form:

Does anyone know how I can loose 10 lbs fast? I just need a jump start to my diet and loosing that 10lbs will get me motivated to do more…

I am sure you have either heard or asked the weight loss question in some form or another yourselves. Of course you know I have heard it. Well, I have also said it many times. And every time I say it or hear it I can’t help but think of the time I heard it or said it before.

We set many goals, from weight loss goals to weight gain goals. We set goals in the beginning, middle, and end of every year. Some of us see results and some of don’t, but in true human form most of us try and try again. For those who are tired of trying, a Jump Start Goal may be exactly what you need. I am talking about the kind of goal that, when achieved, will jump start your entire life.

I am sure that you a have a descent track record of fulfilling your goal to loose a few pounds, read more books, or watch less television and I can see how those things can be good improvements. But I want you to look at how those things could really jump start your life. Maybe you need to set a Jump Start Goal to loose more than a few pounds. Maybe you need to loose the 15lbs that will add 5 years to your life. Maybe you need to do more than just read more books. Perhaps you need to enroll in a course that will put you in a better position to receive that promotion at work. Finally, maybe you need to cut out television entirely for a few months or more and use the money you would have spent on cable to invest in the business you have always wanted to start. You could spend the time you would normally devote to television creating a business plan.

I want you to join me in thinking of ways that you could radically change your life. Think of major goals that could jump start your personal and professional life. It’s good to make small and steady strides but sometimes we need a leap that will get us closer to the life we want faster and with less effort. The minor changes you have been experiencing in your life are good, but a major change that could really give you the boost you need would be even better!

To Blog…Nakeia

What major goal could you set today that would radically jump start your life? What type of improvements would you begin to see if you fulfilled that goal?

Who's Keeping Score?

2011-05-12T10:15:00.000-04:00

Normally when someone speaks of keeping score in life it has a negative connotation. Of course, it really only seems negative to the person on the loosing side of the board. Outside of a competitive setting, keeping score is a really great success tool.

This year I have gone into serious personal score keeping mode. One of my personal and professional goals has been to rid myself of any form of insanity, in every aspect o my life. In an older blog I wrote about this working definition of insanity:

… Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

In other words there were some behaviors, plans, and other habits that I had grown accustom to repeating even though they weren’t giving me the results I desired. I repeated those actions because they were familiar, comfortable, and quite honestly they didn’t require much thought; and I did this for years before admitting, to myself, the level of insanity required to do it. Insane---right?!

Well I’m healed! Insanity has left the building! I have been implementing new behaviors, plans, and habits and to ensure that insanity does not creep back into my life. I have been keeping score. I keep score of what works for me and what doesn’t. Of course if it doesn’t work…it’s gotta go!

Here is how keeping score can wok for you. Make a list of your immediate goals. Next to each goal, write down the action(s) you have taken toward completing it. If you were successful at it, write down the word HIT beside the action. If the action did not work for you, write down he word MISS. To ensure that you do not board the insane train, replace the actions that didn’t work with results driven actions; and only repeat an action if it actually helped you to achieve the things you desired. If you want to achieve the level of success you desire, you must learn to develop winning ways! Knowing what works for you and what doesn’t, and developing strategies to combat the MISSES and increase your HITS will give you the score you need to succeed.

To Blog…Nakeia

Do you keep score in your life? How many HITS and MISSES have you accumulated this week? How will you improve your score?

The Banana Colored Car

2011-05-04T16:13:00.004-04:00

I don’t get embarrassed easily. But growing up there was one thing that would almost embarrass me, and that was my family’s banana colored car. Before there was the Facebook I am here applications and Twitter updates, there was the banana colored car that would update the whole town on my exact location. I mean really…you couldn’t miss it! That car was painted the worst possible color for a car, not mention the fact that it was almost as old as my grand-mom. BUT…it got me to where I needed to be---when I needed to be there.

I thought about that car today as I was doing my mission assessment. In December of 2010, I finalized most of my plans for 2011. I hit 2011 running steadily toward my mission to create a life and business that would empower everyone I came into contact with to use their God-given power to create the life they desire. Along the way I have had some unexpected challenges. However, I am exactly where I need to be---at the exact time I need to be here. I thought that all of my strategic planning, intentional living, and motivational thinking would get me to where I am today. I was only half- way right. The unexpected challenges--- the things that have brought me to the point of embarrassment---the things that gave everyone around me an update on exactly where I am in my personal and professional life--- have also been agents of success. Those challenges have forced me to commit more time to my business in order to get things done. Those embarrassing moments have forced me to come up with more creative ways to get the results I desire in my personal life.

One of the most important principles that you could ever learn and apply is this:

Every bad, unexpected, embarrassing, challenging, or unfortunate thing that happens to you has within it the seed of something good.

Some people are motivated to do good (I know this should say well, but good makes my point better), because of something bad. For example the most recent Tsunami in Japan motivated many people to give money that they would have more than likely kept for themselves.
Reflecting on the embarrassing banana colored car reminded me that I am strong enough to go through even the most embarrassing moments in life, just to get to where I need to be---when I need to be there.

To Blog…Nakeia

When was the last time you felt embarrassed? How did you handle it? What are you willing to go through to get to where you need to be?

Life Is A Highway...

2011-04-14T11:51:00.005-04:00

Life is a highway…

Life is a journey…

There is a path to success…

Stay the course…

Yes! We are all going somewhere---literally and figuratively. But! What if we are going the wrong way? How do we know when we arrive? What do we do when we get there?

Over the past 10 years, I have met many travelers. I have been in the presence of travelers who knew where they were going, how they would get there, and what time they were expected to arrive. I have also met travelers who were screaming are we there yet, as they bounced from place to place---winging it as they went along.

Yes! We are all going somewhere---literally and figuratively. But---When you arrive, if you are going the right way, and what you do when you get there, can be determined by what type of traveler you set out to be.

Good travelers set out on a specific type of journey, to a specific location, while using a specific form of transportation. They are on a mission not just to get somewhere, but to get to where they need to be. They arrive to their destination when they have completed the journey successfully and not a minute sooner. They know they are going the right way because they are prepared with an intentional plan, only move strategically along the way, and listen closely to their internal GPS. Finally, when they arrive, they know exactly what to because they were born to do it!

Whether you are on a highway, a journey, a course, or a path to success, as long as you are a good traveler, you will know where to go, you will know when you get there, and you will know exactly what to do when you get there!

To Blog…Nakeia

Where are you going? Do you know which way to go? What will you do when you get there?

A Little Reminder...

2011-04-08T10:01:00.003-04:00

I have had the craziest week ever! No...I have had the craziest couple of weeks ever! No...No...No... Life, as I know it, needs a serious straight jacket. (Get it?! Crazy...Staright Jacket?!) When life gets crazy, I try to maintain my sanity---and I do mean try! It has been a struggle to remain productive, focused, and motivated in the face of such craziness. BUT... an old post I wrote about finding strength in the struggle, has given me a second wind. You can find that post HERE. Have you had a crazy week? How did you handle it? Do you give up in the midst of a struggle? To Blog...Nakeia

Show Me A Sign

2011-03-31T11:50:00.015-04:00

Confession… I am a show me a sign kind of girl. In the past… I used to pray to God for a sign before I would make a major decision. I would say God, if this is something I should do, let it rain at 12:30pm. Or…God, if I should go on this trip, let my ticket be free somehow. Let’s just say, it would never rain at 12:30pm, and I have yet to receive free airline tickets in the mail. Now… I continue to pray to God before a major decision. However, my prayer is… God, let my eyes be open to what my life is trying to show me. And…God, let my ears be in tune with what my heart is trying to say. There are signs everywhere. Even when I don’t ask, life speaks. If you follow my blog regularly, you might remember the lesson my grandmom’s Mac & Cheese has taught me. Here’s the thing, there is nothing wrong with wanting a sign. But for some the, the obvious is never obvious. Don’t ignore the small signs while looking for the miracle. Your life speaks to you daily. Losing your breath while running up the small flight of stairs in your home; is a sign that you need to exercise. If you keep asking your why does this keep happening to me, that is a sign that you need to change your pattern of behavior. Allow every opportunity, every misstep, and every turn of event to speak to you. There is a lesson in living! What obvious sign have you ignored lately? How much different would your life be if you looked a past mistake as a lesson? What has your life already said to you today? To Blog…Nakeia

What Do You Want?!

2011-03-24T12:25:00.005-04:00

If you were to wake up tomorrow morning able to live your ideal life, what would your life look like? What would you be doing? Who would be with you? Where would you live? Would you start a new career? Would you be promoted on your current job? Would you be married? Would you be single?

Most people do not get what they want in life simply because they don’t know what they want.

Opportunity does not call to say it’s on its way. So when it comes knocking on your door, you must be prepared to open it. When you know what you want, you are not only preparing to open the door for opportunity, you are sending opportunity a personal invitation and laying out the welcome mat!

Start by making an I Want List. Go through every area of your life, from health and wealth, to love, and recreation. Decide what you want in detail. Once your list is complete, review it daily. Make your I Want List apart of your daily affirmations. Reviewing your list and affirming what you want, every day, will establish a pattern that will lead to the belief that you can have exactly what you want in life. Believing you can have it will ultimately lead you to take action toward achieving it. Finally, your intentional actions will lead you to expect it.

So, I ask you again. If you were to wake up tomorrow morning able to live your ideal life, what would your life look like?

To Blog…Nakiea

Born Fearless

2011-03-17T13:37:00.007-04:00

We are born fearless. We know what we want and are not afraid to ask for it. Through screams and tears we demand to be fed, changed, and held. As we grow independently mobile, we climb up stairs without hesitation, crawl or walk over to other children and take the toys we want for ourselves, and when we didn’t want something we made it known by introducing tantrums into the mix.

Then as toddlers we get hit with our first no. We are told that we can’t climb stairs at will and safety gates go up around the house. We are forced to share toys that we’d rather keep for ourselves and time-outs are established to counter the tantrums.

As we get older and grow into adulthood we learn to want less. Most often what we want out of life gets determined by what we think we can have. Tantrums, screams and tears are no longer an acceptable way to obtain the things we desire. Going up to someone and taking what we want for ourselves will undoubtedly be met with jail time. Slowly but surely we learn that just because we want something, doesn’t mean we will get it. Our wants get met with inhibitions. Our deepest desires are met with fear.

Yes, we were born fearless, but somewhere along the way, we learn to accept fear as a part of life and we become afraid to ask for what we want in life.

Well guess what? The safety gates have been removed, time-outs are for kids, and no does not mean never! You can have what you want! The life that you truly want is waiting for you to walk up to it and take it. (You will not be jailed for that) But in order to get what you want, you must be fearless. You can no longer accept fear as a part of life. You must be the fearless person you were born to be!

Do you think that fear has been holding you back? What do you fear the most? Do you know what you want out of life?

To Blog…Nakeia

What I Know For Sure.

2011-03-10T13:37:00.003-05:00

Ask anyone who knows me, and they will tell you that there are VERY FEW times when they have found me to be speechless, hesitant, and ready to just give up. Since I began my journey of personal development at the age of ten, I make it a point to look at life as a giant classroom. I believe that everything that happens to me, good and bad, is all apart of a master plan to assist me in achieving my goal to live a life that is balanced, lacking nothing, and whole (mind, body, and soul).

Along the way, I have been faced with difficulties. Some difficulties I was born into and some were self inflicted. Nevertheless, I continued to move forward. So this week, when faced with the question what do you do when you have done everything that you know to do and still everything goes wrong, I found myself speechless and hesitant to try and come up with a clear answer…for a brief moment.

Here is what I know for sure. Life is a series of circumstances that are followed by responses which lead to particular outcomes. In other words, things happen---sometimes good things and sometimes bad things. How we respond when those things happen is what will determine the outcome.

I dissected the question what do you do when you have done everything that you know to do and still everything goes wrong and here is what I discovered:

Sometimes what we know to do is the problem. Sometimes we don’t know enough or have enough experience in a particular area to get the outcome we want. Ultimately, sometimes we respond the wrong way, therefore we usher in the wrong outcome. Instead of focusing on your current circumstances, try focusing on your response. But before you respond, ask yourself if you know enough to respond in way that will give you the outcome you desire.

Here are 2 quick tips that will help you increase what you know:

Find someone that has overcome the difficult circumstance that you face and ask them how they did it. If you can’t find someone that you know personally, go pick up an autobiography from the library or bookstore.

Before you decide on a response to a difficult circumstance, run your idea by a good friend and ask for his/her incite. Even though that person may not have experienced the same thing, he/she may be able to offer an objective solution; or at least tell you if your idea is a good one or not.

What do you know for sure? Are you currently facing a difficult circumstance? How will you handle it?

To Blog…Nakeia

Insanity!

2011-03-03T19:54:00.004-05:00

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. ~ Albert Einstein

Have you complained about the way you look lately? Have you complained about your personal relationship? Have you complained about your lack of business opportunities? Are you tired of the same old, same old?

Well today I want to challenge you to do something different. It is truly insane to complain about the things you have the power to change. Now I don’t mean to call you crazy--- well actually, yes I do. But don’t worry, you are not alone. At the top of my list of goals for this year, I have committed to actively doing something to change everything that I complained about in 2010. I…yes, even I would climb aboard the insane train from time to time. And then one day I realized just how crazy it was to do the same thing over and over again while expecting the results to be different.

I wanted more. I expected more. I even visualized myself experiencing more. All the while, I was doing the exact same things I did to have less. Now, does that make sense?

I think Jack Canfield makes my point in his book The Success Principles, when he says if what you are currently doing would produce the more and better that you are seeking in life, the more and better would have already shown up!

If you truly desire more and better, you are going to have to do more and better.

You can start like I did. Stop the insanity by committing to do at least one thing different each day. As you begin to experience your desired results, assess every area of your life, and make the necessary changes until you experience the more and better that you deserve.

Have you taken a trip on the insane train? Can you think of one thing that you should be doing differently? What will you commit to changing today?

To Blog…Nakeia

Ambition...A Dirty Word?

2011-02-24T11:06:00.004-05:00

Oprah likes the word.

Donald Trump doesn’t.

Some people consider it a dirty word. Others believe it’s a necessity.

By definition, ambition is an ardent desire for rank, fame, or power and is almost always directed toward a particular end.

I will admit to using the word to convey the type of desire necessary to achieve a particular goal. However, I understand how the emphasis on rank, fame, and power can be perceived as negative.

Here’s the thing, to have an ardent desire to become the best you in every area of your life is a healthy-- and I believe a necessary goal. You should always desire to do better, be better, and achieve more. However, rank, fame, and power should not be your driving force. If you desire to become a lawyer, doctor, speaker, photographer, or restaurateur because you think it will make you famous and not because you believe in the work and believe you can add value to that particular industry, your potential clients will receive that message loud and clear; and your success will ultimately be short lived.

Speaking of Oprah and Donald Trump…

Although they have both achieved all of the money, rank, fame and power most can only dream of attaining, neither of them set out to achieve just that. What they both set out to do was be the best at what they did best and the rank, fame, and power was just a part of the package.

Those who seek riches will spend all of their days seeking.

Do you use the word ambition? Are you motivated by rank, fame, or power?

To Blog…Nakeia

It's Only Common Sense.

2011-02-17T11:22:00.003-05:00

Common Sense is a concept that has been up for debate for decades. Philosophers, Mathematicians, and Politicians all believe there may be room for it, in some form, in their industries, however it’s still debatable. Although I am a self proclaimed part-time philosopher, I am certainly not a mathematician or politician. In my industry (Personal development/growth), common sense is a necessity and there is no debating that.

Here is a working definition for Common Sense that I like to use:

Good sense and sound judgment in practical matters.

Most of the time, we get caught up in methods, formulas, and self-help books, blogs, and speeches; when all we really need to do is apply a little bit of common sense.

The next time you need to decide on a plan of action, the next time you need motivation to quit a bad habit, the next time you find it hard to get eliminate someone that is causing you pain, just ask yourself this question:

Does what I am doing, plan to do, or need to do make sense?

To Blog…Nakeia

The Focus Factor 2

2011-02-10T13:17:00.004-05:00

I have learned the hard way that it is impossible to be good at everything. Yes, I have several abilities, talents, and gifts, but the thing that I focus on the most will always be the thing that I am good at. Everything else will just be okay. It is okay to be okay at a hobby, a weekend sport, or an online recreation, but when it comes to what matters, like your career, your family, and your personal growth, you must be good. The only way to be good at something is to spend time focusing on it.

To focus is to concentrate effort and attention on a particular thing or to adjust your vision so that you see clearly and sharply, or become adjusted for clear vision (Encarta Dictionary).

Today, take some time to adjust your vision towards the things that matter and concentrate your effort and attention on creating the life you desire.

Here are two things that you can do today to adjust your focus:

Revisit your 2011 List of Goals.

Create a plan that will allow you to do at least one thing each day that will get you closer to achieving your goal.

Success is focusing the full power of all you are on what you have a burning desire achieve. ~Wilfred Peterson

To Blog... Nakeia

Follow the Leader

2011-01-27T13:59:00.003-05:00

As a child I loved playing Follow the Leader. I especially loved it when I was elected leader first. You remember that game right? The object of the game is to be the last follower standing. The last follower standing gets the reward of being the next leader. During the game, the leader takes the followers through a series of actions that must be mimicked. Those who have difficulty following are out.

I was reminded of this game during one of my sessions this week. I am working with someone who in addition to searching for personal fulfillment, is working toward a promotion at work. Lately, she admittedly spends most of her work day complaining and bantering about the office. She feels as though the person holding down the position she has set her sights on, is not doing a very good job. She has literally been panting after the promotion. Unfortunately, all of her complaining, bantering, and panting has taken the place of her current duties and she has fallen behind.

For those of us who wish to reach our highest potential, it is important to recognize that we can only move forward after mastering the present. If you want a promotion at work-- if you want to be elected the next community leader-- if you want to be the next one to say I Do-- if you want to reach your highest potential in every aspect of your life…You must master your present, hold down your current position to the highest extent, and learn to follow just as well as you would lead.

Every great leader used to be a great follower!

To Blog…Nakeia

A Few Words on Relationships

2011-01-20T15:35:00.000-05:00

Believe people when they show you who they are the first time. ~Maya Angelou

Be it a romantic, platonic, or business relationship, if you give someone the opportunity, he or she will show you who they really are. The problem is that many people ignore the warning signs. Not you of course…

If you want to live a life that fulfills your dreams and goals, it is essential that you surround yourself with people that are going to add value to your life.

Take a moment to write down the names of the people you spend the most time with. Now, based on their actions, describe who they really are. The next step is the most important…Believe Them!

To Blog…Nakeia

Something New

2011-01-14T10:23:00.007-05:00

I know. I know. It's not Thursday. It's Friday.

Lately my computer has developed a mind of her own. Yes. My computer is a her--- named Stella. But I digress...

It has been said that this week is the most depressing week of the year. Many people have already broken their New Year's Resolutions, the anticipation of credit card bills from Christmas is overwhelming, tax season sends many business owners into a panic, and the blistery winter weather gives many people cabin fever.

If you have fallen into a rut, here is a way to break out:

Do something new. Do something that you have never done before.

Too often people get stuck in the familiar---the same old thing. By simply creating a new daily routine, trying new foods, or taking a new route to work can create an atmosphere that will attract new opportunities your way.

To Blog...Nakeia

The 12 Percent...

2011-01-06T20:57:00.006-05:00

Happy New Year!!!

For the past two days, I have been suffering through technical difficulties with my computer. I was almost unable to post a blog today. Just after my husband, who can literally fix anything---fixed my computer, I sat down in from of my technical difficulty-free computer and skimmed through my LONG list of blog ideas. It is at that moment that I realized that today would be my first blog of 2011! OoOh...the pressure! I thought to myself, I must say something profound---something thought provoking---something life changing.

As I let out a yawn, I realized that it is 8:40PM. I AM TIRED!

But, I blog on…

Here is something to think about:

52% of those who make New Year’s Resolutions are confident that they will succeed. However, by the end of the year, only 12% actually achieve their goals. So what does this mean for you and me? We must set out to be in the 12%!

I don’t care if you decide to make a life change in the beginning, middle, or last day of the year, if you not have an actionable plan in place to secure your space among the 12% of those who set goals that they are confident about, you will fail. Period!

When the hype that surrounds the new year fades, will you still be ready to do something in 2011 that will change your life? If your answer is a resounding and confident YES, then you may want to start right here:

Decide what you must do to live at your best in 2011.
Make a detailed list of what must be done to make that happen. 2011.
Then…DO IT! Period.

To Blog…Nakeia

48 Hours

2010-12-30T16:37:00.009-05:00

Since this will be my last post of 2010, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to know what this blog will be about.

That's right! You've got it! Leaving 2010 with No Regrets!!

There is less than 48 hours left in 2010. This may have been your best year! This may have been your worst year. Everything may have gone as planned. Everything may have gone all wrong. Either way, if you are reading this blog, you have been given a gift. You have been given another day. Your biggest present of the season is the present. Now what will you do with it?

In 48 hours you can:

...Start and finish reading a book.

...Write a business plan.

...Create a blog of your own.

...End a bad relationship.

...Call an old friend.

...Mend a broken relationship.

...Volunteer at a shelter.

...Buy a meal for a homeless person.

...Complete an unfinished project.

...Do more.

It's not too late to leave this year with No Regrets. Do what you need to do, within the next 48 hours, so that you can live the way you want to live in 2011.

To Blog...Nakeia

The Season of Giving

2010-12-23T12:27:00.006-05:00

Achieving success always comes down to: giving up. You don’t GET rich. You GIVE UP what’s making you broke. You don’t GET skinny, you GIVE UP what’s making you fat. You don’t GET happy, you GIVE UP what’s making you unhappy. ~Larry Winget

The idea of "giving up" is not always easy to accept. For instance, giving up the ice-cold, tingly, crisp, bubbly, goodness of a Pepsi is not necessarily a good idea to me. Yes, it makes me bloated. Yes, it's not good for my teeth. Yes, I may be digesting empty calories. But...Pepsi and I have a complicated relationship and I am not ready to call it quits.

…Enough about me.

As you prepare to move forward to 2011, with No Regrets, you must take a hard look at what you need to give up. Since this is the season of giving, I thought now would be the perfect time for you to make this commitment. Give yourself the gift of getting. Get the life you want, by giving up the things that are trying to keep you from it.

To Blog…Nakeia

Alarms, Delays, and You

2010-12-16T12:07:00.003-05:00

Today started out like any other.

I expected the alarm clock to wake me up at 6:15 am- and it did.

I expected an automatic groan---from me---in response to the alarm clock waking me up at 6:15am- and I did.

I expected my husband to be the first one out of the bed- and he was.

I did not expect my husband to return to bed because my daughter’s school decided to delay its opening, by 2 hours, due to the weather- but he did.

I turned over and tried to go back to sleep. But I couldn’t. All I could think about is the delay. You see I had big plans for the day. First, I would get the little one off to school. Second, I would blog. Third, I would finish writing the song I started yesterday. Fourth, I would read and return emails. Fifth, I would record a reference of the song I wrote. Sixth, I would prepare for the little one’s return from school. And now, because of the 2 hour delay, more than likely I would not get through the day as planned. But the day will still go on…and what doesn’t get done now, will get done later.

Reason for the story:

To remind you that when unexpected delays happen, your life will still go on. You can choose to get caught up in the delay, or you can move forward with your plans---understanding that a delay is temporary and whatever you have been unable to complete now, you have the ability to revisit and complete later. Just keep moving forward!

To Blog…Nakeia

Can You Handle More?

2010-12-09T09:17:00.004-05:00

Life has a way of giving us just what we can handle. Of course if you are anything like, you can always use a bit more. But really, if you woke up tomorrow morning and everything you wanted was sitting in your living room (of course…that is if it’s not too big to fit in our living room), could you even handle it?

Better yet, could you support it?

You want a bigger house. But do you support the house or apartment you are living in now? Is it clean? Is everything in it, in working order? Are you ever there?

You want a new car. But do you support the car you have now? Is it well maintained? When is the last time you’ve washed it? Is it paid off?

Remember this. What you have now is the foundation upon which whatever you will have, in your future, must stand. If you want more, you must be able to support more. Also remember this. If you are not a good steward over what you have now, you can not be trusted with more.

Here is what you can do to make sure that you can support more:

Write a list of everything that you have but want more of, or better/bigger than.

Now complete a Support Check. Assess the condition of everything that you have. Is everything in working order? Have you put what you have now to good use? Is what you have now a strong enough foundation for more?

Of course if you have a good assessment, then more is on the way! If not, join me in making sure that you have a stable foundation. Spend the last 22 days of 2010 getting a good handle on what you already have.

To Blog…Nakeia

'Tis the Season

2010-12-02T15:42:00.010-05:00

I LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR.

I ABSOLUTELY love Christmas music.
I love it when Starbucks unveils its holiday flavors.
I love sneaking behind my daughter’s back to purchase and hide presents.
I love pulling out what seems like 100 boxes of handmade (by yours truly) Christmas wreaths, ornaments, and shimmery knickknacks I’ve created courtesy of Michael’s.
I love watching Merry Christmas Charlie Brown.
I love entering a New Year.
I love the excitement of setting new personal and professional goals.

Today is December 2, 2010. There are 29 days left in 2010.

What I LOVE about life is that everyday that we awake from dreaming, is a day full of opportunities to dream awake…

It is not too late to cross at least 1 more thing of your list of things to do before this year is over!

To Blog…Nakeia

On Her Own...

2010-11-18T10:59:00.004-05:00

I am proud to say…Stacy is on her own! Well, sort of…

I made a commitment to facilitate her personal development throughout the Leave 2010 with No Regrets Challenge, and she made a commitment to put in the work. She has been working, writing, thinking, and making things happen in her life! She will Leave 2010 with No Regrets for sure!

Stacy is now my maintenance program. Stacy’s goal is to start 2011 in full pursuit of her purpose and engaged in whole life development. In other words, she wanted to spend 2011 living focused, motivated, and with intention.

As part of the maintenance program, Stacy is required to complete a Weekly Mission Assessment. The assessment is simple. She sits down for 20 minutes, at the end of each week and does 3 things:

Read last week’s assessment. This is an opportunity to internalize achievements and celebrate small victories.

Make room for growth. List one thing that can be improved or taken to the next level.Create a

Must Do List for the next week. List at least 3 things that must be done by the end of the week.

Stacy emails me her assessments to me for accountability, but essentially she is doing her thing!

There is still 43 days left in 2010. You have time to leave 2010 with No Regrets! For those of you who have taken on a challenge of your own, you can perform your own Weekly Mission Assessments.

To Blog…Nakeia

I Am Not A Slacker!

2010-11-11T19:43:00.003-05:00

It is 8:00pm , and I have just put the little one to bed.

As I sit in front of my computer and check my daily calender, I realize that I still have 5 things to do before I can bring an end to my work day. I also realize that I have not blogged in a week or so...and this is becoming a pattern.

I immediately say to myself, I am a slacker! Then I go to the Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary to look up the meaning of the word slacker...cause you know me...I must know what I mean, when I say what I think I mean (too much?)

Slacker: a person who shirks work or obligation.

NOT ME.

In fact, not only am I NOT shirking (evading, avoiding),my work, I am doing WAy too much! I am working, thinking, developing, writing, and researching way too much. AND...I love it! I love what I do. The more I love it, the more I want to do it. I am taking on new personal projects, writing new songs, negotiating new deals for my husband, finalizing the plans for my new website, and whatever else I can squeeze into the day.

I have made apologies on this blog, by email, and instant message for not blogging lately. My wonderful followers (those I knew about and those I didn't know about until they sent me an email asking me about missing some days of blogging) have made me come to a temporary decision.

For now, I will be blogging once a week (unless I really have something to get off my mind).
Thursday will be the day.

So look for my blogs on Thursday; starting next week!

Before I go, consider this quote by James Allen:

See to it that you rise by steady climbing, and you will never fall.

To Blog...Nakeia

Decision Remorse

2010-11-03T16:14:00.002-04:00

I do something at least once a day that I wish I can take back or just do over. When I wake up too late, I wish I could start the day over. When I send out an email, I wish I would have said one more or one less thing. When I order the chicken, I wish I would have ordered the steak.

I wish. I wish. I WISH!

Life is full of opportunities to do things over. If I don’t like the email that was sent, I can always send a subsequent clarification email. If I don’t like the chicken, I can pout until my husband agrees to share his steak with me (‘cause his food is always better than mine). I may not like the way I started my day, but I can always end strong. Some things are not ideal, but that is the reality of REALity.

On the other hand, there are those life choices that we just have to live with. There are words spoken that can never be un-spoken. There is time that passes, that can never be rewound. Most of the things we do can not be undone. Some things are not ideal, but that is the reality of REALity.

You can drastically reduce the number of choices that you make and end up regretting by implementing some decision making guidelines. The guidelines should be made custom to your lifestyle and thought process. No one person processes things alike. I, for one, am a quick thinker. The longer I wait to make a decision, the harder it is for me to make it. Others like to take their time.

Here are 2 general guidelines that everyone can follow:

Create your own personal decision making guidelines.

Guideline example: I will wait 24 hours before making a decision.

Only make intentional decisions. There should be a purpose attached to every decision you make. If you want to avoid decision remorse, put some thought into it. To make sure you are making an intentional decision, complete the following statement:

Making a decision to _________ will __________________________________in my life.

Those 2 guidelines are simple and effective. You can use them as a foundation for setting guidelines of your own.

To Blog…Nakeia

Just Get There

2010-11-02T11:55:00.002-04:00

The road one takes to through life is not always a smooth ride. I am still not sure why that doesn’t go with out saying. If you have gotten into a car, and taken a ride to anywhere land, you should know exactly what I mean. You may travel the same route to work everyday, but on any given day, a bump, some litter, an animal, or a detour may surface…without warning. So what do you do? Do you stop, turn around, drive home, and get back into bed? Or do you go around it, through it, over it, or find another way to get you to where you need to be?

You may be thinking… how can you compare a daily commute to work, to a commute through this thing called life. Well, I will tell you how. Simply put it into perspective. Both are about getting from where you are, to where you need to be. How smooth the may or may not be along the way really doesn’t matter.

Just get there.

To Blog…Nakeia

Planning Made Easy

2010-11-01T01:46:00.002-04:00

The more I try to convince people to create an action plan, the more I realize how intimidating creating an action plan can be for some. No matter how easy I say it is…there is always someone that just can’t get past the fear of committing their dreams to paper and following up with some action.

As with life, planning can be as simple or as complicated as one makes it. I, for one, spend most of my time making my life as simple as possible. So when it comes to planning, I have four simple guidelines that I follow.

Define the goal.
In statement form, I write down what I intend to accomplish.

Research the area of interest.
I begin a regime of organized study. I find out exactly what it will take for me to accomplish my goal.

Prepare to take action.
Once I know what I want to do and what it will take to do it, I prepare an action schedule. That schedule simply details what I will do, each day, to move closer to accomplishing my goal.

Begin with the end in mind.
With tunnel vision, I direct my attention and intention towards what I want to accomplish.
Mentally seeing myself accomplishing my goals motivates me to push forward toward an expected end.

Those guidelines are simple, yet effective! I use them to create an action plan for my personal and professional life and it works every time. If you have had difficulty creating your action plan, give these guidelines a try.

To Blog…Nakeia

Write It Down!

2010-10-29T15:08:00.005-04:00

As you join me in committing to Leave 2010 With No Regrets, here is a quick tip to assist you in your efforts.

WRITE IT DOWN!

If you have been following my blogs at all, you know this is a BIG deal for me. But…trust me, it works! Committing your thoughts, personal goals, grocery lists, and business ideas to paper, will change your life!

Here are three proven benefits to writing things down:

It focuses your attention.
Your entire body must be present in order to take the time to sit and write something down. You will also need your entire body to be present to turn the words you commit to paper into action. Those moments of focus can also be used to meditate. Once you have written your thoughts down, you can read over it every morning to help focus your daily efforts.

It acts as a memory booster.
Studies show that if you write something down, you are more likely to remember it. Remembering the reason you want to change will keep you on track. Reading what you have written down will also take you back to how you felt when you were writing it. That feeling of determination and drive will motivate you to continue moving forward.

It creates a permanent record.
I started the Leave 2010 With No Regrets Challenge because I got tired of seeing the same things on my New Years Resolution list. I had created many permanent records of the things I wanted to change, achieve, and conquer, but never did. Now I write things down to create a permanent record of the things I need to change, achieve, and conquer, and I do just that!

I just gave you 3 good reasons why you should spend this weekend writing down your plan to Leave 2010 With No Regrets. It is not enough to think about it. You must create a written plan that is followed by ACTION. There are 63 days left in 2010! It is not too late for you to join the challenge. You don’t have to carry your past into your future! If you start today, you can start the New Year with a NEW YOU!

To Blog…Nakeia

Challenge Update!!!

2010-10-26T15:55:00.007-04:00

I recently shared an important session with Stacy, my pick for the Leave 2010 With No Regrets Challenge. She is well on her way to closing out this year completely content with the direction of her life. Stacy has been diligent in her efforts to maintain her focus, keep the insignificant opinions of other at bay, and move forward with her professional goals. I am extremely hopeful that her life will remain on track. Unfortunately, some unpleasant circumstances from Stacy's past have resurfaced, and she was thrown off track for a moment.

The difficulty that Stacy was trying to work through was, quite honestly, self-inflected. She is comfortable admitting that before committing to her personal development goals, she would make major life decisions on a whim. She wouldn’t give much thought to the consequences of her decisions and when things didn’t work out, for some reason, she would be surprised…really.

I kept asking Stacy this question, what have you learned? Even after the work we have done together she still had a hard time coming up with an answer that I would accept. At first she blamed others and then she blamed herself. But I helped her realize that there is no lesson in the game of blame. Eventually, her lesson was learned and she made it through the difficult moments, confident that she can face whatever’s next.

Here is what I learned about the, what have you learned, question:

In order to answer the question, you must get past the surface. It’s not just about the present circumstance. You must look at what led up to it. If you have made one bad major decision, more than likely, there have been others.

In order to answer the question, you must locate the start of the pattern. There is a spark that
ignites every fire. You must find out why you make the decisions you make.

In order to answer the question, you must be willing to admit to wrong doing. Being wrong isn’t easy. That is especially true when being wrong causes pain. Admitting what is wrong about you will lead you on the path that is right.

Those are just a few reasons why it is important to recognize the opportunity that learning life lessons can bring. Every time you are face to face with difficulty, you are also standing face to face to face with opportunity. You are giving the opportunity to move forward with the tools needed to do better next time.

To Blog…Nakeia

I Need A Therapist!

2010-10-13T13:09:00.006-04:00

I am guilty...I have done it again...I have not been practising what I preach...I NEED A THERAPIST! Seriously.

I am on autopilot. I took on too many projects. I took on clients that require more attention than I am able to give (without taking away from some other areas of my life). I got behind on my housework. I got behind on my reading. I got behind in my writing. I got sick, and then I got my family sick.

Now I am playing catchup and interviewing therapist...cause I REALLY think I need one!

I have received your messages and I have not forgotten about you. I am just taking some time to get myself together!

Here is what I have done, so far, to get myself back on track:

Created a list of things that require my immediate attention. This list is very detailed and focuses on the things that I NEED to do right now. (i.e. unanswered emails from potential clients)

Limited my phone and computer use. For me, the phone and computer can be horrible distractions. I have set aside time at the beginning and end f my work day for returning phone calls and use of the Internet that does not involve current or potential clients.

Delegated duties that did not require my direct involvement. This one is hard for me, yet it is the most useful. Taking help where I can get it has increased my daily productivity. The more efficient hands involved, the more efficient the results.

If you are as guilty as I am and need to get yourself together as well, join me by implementing those three effective strategies and back on track.

To Blog...Nakeia

The 14 Billion Dollar Question

2010-09-29T10:55:00.002-04:00

What is my purpose?

That question is worth 14 billion dollar a year--- 14 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR! It has been reported that the self-improvement/self-help industry makes any where from 9 to 14 billion dollars a year. By self- improvement I mean diet, money, purpose, and relationship books, seminars, DVD’s, CD’s, and coaches. People spend their hard earned money trying to find the answer to a question that I will answer for you for FREE today.

So here it is:

Your purpose is the use your special talents, natural abilities, and God-given gifts, to enhance your personal and professional life, as well as the lives of every single person you come in contact with. In order to fulfill that purpose, you must spend time developing those talents, abilities, and gifts daily; so that you can exercise them effectively.

That is it. That is the reason you exist. That is your purpose.

If you still have questions concerning your purpose, you can write me a check for 14 Billion Dollars and I will spend a whole year reminding you of that every day!

To Blog…Nakeia

Dream Awake!

2010-09-28T13:03:00.002-04:00

My daughter and I had an interesting conversation about dreams. She doesn’t have nightmares often, but there was one nightmare in particular that really has her spooked. All I will say about it is that it involves seafood and seems like more of a comedy scene in a cartoon than a nightmare. Nevertheless, she doesn’t want it to reoccur…and…she doesn’t want to eat salmon any time soon.

I shared with her my secret power to control my dreams. I am sure that I have shared this with you before, but I developed a way to control my dreams when I was a kid. There may not be any science to back me up, but whatever I direct my thoughts toward right before falling asleep is what I end up dreaming about. It has worked for me for years and it worked for my daughter last night.

The interesting thing about dreams is that they can occur while asleep or awake. A dream can be a fantasy or a terror. Either way I believe we all possess the power to control them…especially the dreams we dream while awake. Based on my own personal experience, this is truth and I don’t need a scientist to confirm it.

Today, focus on the dreams that you dream awake. Direct your thoughts toward a series of images, emotions, and goals that can go from fantasy to reality. Your personal and professional possibilities are only limited by your thoughts toward them. Once you understand the control you have to direct and focus your thoughts, you will unlock a whole new world of possibilities.

It seems the dreams of owning a house with a white picket fence or breaking a new world record has been replaced with the temporary reality of current circumstances. Whatever circumstances you are facing right now are temporary. Your life could change in an instant. One pone call or email could change your life. Dreams are not just for children. You must nurture your childhood dreams of becoming the best at everything you do.

Don’t take my word or the word of my five year old daughter. See for yourself. Dare to access your secret power to control the dreams you dream awake. Replace your terrible thoughts of anxiety with thoughts of fearless goals and you will begin to create a nightmare free life.

Dare to dream awake!

To blog…Nakeia

Challenge Update (Re-Focus Your Focus)

2010-09-27T14:26:00.004-04:00

What area of your life gets the most attention?

Throughout the course of the day, where is your focus?

The thing that you concentrate your effort, attention, or emphasis on the most, is the thing that will be clearly developed in your life.

Stacy, my pick for the Leave 2010 With No Regrets Challenge, has decided that not being able to focus on her own personal and professional development has been her biggest regret. So, her goal for the next 95 days is to Re-focus her Focus. Stacy is going to re-adjust her vision in order to see her life’s purpose clearly. Over the past couple of weeks, she has discovered that her need to please others, her over extended daily routine, and her lack of clarity concerning her professional career has clouded her vision. Believe it or not, she has come to this discovery by doing less. Instead of being busy, she has learned to be productive. Instead of just listening to the advice of family and friends, she is listening to herself. Instead of focusing her effort, attention, and emphasis on the things that are going wrong in her life, she has re-focused her attention on the things that she wants to go right.

It is easy to get out of focus. Daily routines, family commitments, and unpleasant circumstances get in the way. But remember, the thing that you focus or concentrate on the most, is the thing that will be clearly developed in your life. For example, if you focus your attention on your lack of fluid income, you can not focus on ways to create a positive flow of income. Your focus or area of concern must be on the thing that you want to happen in your life.

Here is an exercise I gave to Stacy:

Write a list of things that typical go wrong throughout the course of one day. Create a list that spans an entire day from morning until evening (i.e. wake up late, traffic, can’t find parking, etc). Once you have completed your list, start the next day by focusing on the opposite of everything on your list. You can do this by creating a list that opposes the original list (i.e. wake up on schedule, no traffic, find parking, etc).

That is not an exercise in attitude, but in focus. If your attention is directed toward waking up on schedule so that you can avoid heavy traffic and find reasonable parking that is exactly what will develop into a regular routine.

Create a list of your own so that you can Re-focus your focus.

To Blog…Nakeia

In With The New!

2010-09-21T19:00:00.004-04:00

Waiting is a trap.
There will always be reasons to wait.
The truth is there are only two things in life...

Reasons and Results...

...and reasons simply don't count.

~ Dr. Robert Anthony

The good doctor is right. There will always be reason to wait. Unfortunately, waiting will result in no RESULTS.

There is 101 days left in 2010. I want you to resolve to start the New Year with a New You. But here is thing, start your new year today. Don't fall into the trap of waiting.

Leave 2010 with NO REGRETS!

Waiting With A Purpose

2010-09-15T13:19:00.002-04:00

As I prepared for this blog, the subject felt all too familiar. The words I began to type seemed to be a replay of something that I have either written or spoke about before. So I looked through my little notebooks, speech history, and blogs and sure enough---there it was---a blog I titled Tired of Waiting (revisit that one later).

Well, here’s a little more on the subject of waiting:

To wait is to remain stationary in readiness or expectation; to delay in hope of a favorable change; or to hold back expectantly (Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary). During further research of the subject of waiting, I also realized that there are two types of waiting.

English 101:

Waiting is a verb that can be transitive or intransitive. A transitive verb is a verb with a direct object (purpose, aim, or goal). An intransitive verb is a verb with no direct object (purpose, aim, or goal). So, to wait transitively is to wait with a purpose…to stay in place because something is expected to happen. To wait intransitively is to wait with no clear purpose in mind…to do nothing expecting for something to happen. I know this may sound like a lecture, but I need to you to understand the difference.

Examples:
I am waiting for my business to grow because I have spent time in marketing development and have prepared a campaign designed specifically to attract new clients.
Vs.
I am waiting on my business to grow because it has been my life-long dream to own a business; and it has to work out for me.

Or…

I am waiting for the right time to start my business.
Vs.
I am waiting until I have a clear vision that I can translate into a business plan before I launch my new business.

Ralph Waldo Emerson asked the question---how much of human life is lost in waiting.

If you are in waiting…waiting to begin something new or complete something old…ask yourself this question:

Am I waiting with a purpose?

To Blog…Nakeia

The Unspoken Language

2010-09-14T11:10:00.006-04:00

I talk a lot...no...a WHOLE lot.

But I know this to be true:

What I do, in life, is far more important than what I say.

Actions are an unspoken language that can not be misunderstood.

Today, don't say it---Do IT!

To Blog...Nakeia

Just a Reminder...

2010-09-13T09:46:00.003-04:00

I received such an unexpected response from Friday's re-post. Some of my faithful followers sent me emails, text messages, and instant messages just to say thanks for the reminder. But what always catches me off guard, are the followers that I am unaware of ---the people that view the link from Facebook or people that are third party followers...

At the suggestion of one of my mentees, I took the time to read over some of my old posts. She was right...I am good! There were some strategies, quick tips, and my own personal experiences that helped me put some things back into perspective. She also right about the fact that give A LOT of my services away for free! Soon, I am going to have to start charging you Internet!!

Here is another good one:

Show Up...

During my last year of high school I experienced the worst migraine headaches ever. I mean the kind of headaches that would make my vision blurred, my speech slurred, and leave me completely incapacitated. I saw doctors and specialists. I tried medication and meditation. Nothing worked. It was so bad that I missed over 20 days of school and was told that I may not be able to graduate. I kept up with my assignments but the school’s policy stated that students were not permitted to be absent from school more than a certain number of days. In order to graduate, I had to turn in a note of explanation from my doctors which stated my medical condition and detailed how it could leave me unable to attend class. That letter of excuse saved me the trouble of repeating 12th grade.

An excuse is, among other things, an apology, justification, or note of explanation for an absence. It is acceptable to offer an excuse for being absent from class due to sickness. It is not acceptable to offer an excuse for being absent from the possibility of success. When you decide to make excuses, you are deciding not to show up to open the door when opportunity knocks. This is another area of my life that was difficult for me to shake. I was often guilty of making excuses. I gave what I thought were pretty compelling reasons why I didn't complete something I started or for something that I simply never started at all. When I realized what it really meant to make excuses, I made a pledge to myself never to do it again.

Join me and make a pledge to yourself ,today, never to excuse yourself from life again. Make a decision to be present. To be present is to exist. No more excuses. Show up! Your note of explanations will no longer be accepted.

If you are unsure of your purpose, confused about your next move, or are in an uncomfortable period of preparation, I suggest you join me in reading through my archives. In the words of my mentee, I am good at what I do. But even I need a reminder that will help put things into perspective from time to time...

To Blog...Nakeia

Keeping It Real

2010-09-10T11:54:00.007-04:00

I have been working with a few people on the importance of preparation---one of those people being me.

I have been feeling extremely anxious lately. I have so many dreams--- so many ideas--- so many goals. And I want to fulfill every single one of them---right now! I say that timing is key and preparation is necessary. But I am going to keep it real and also say, "I am TIRED of waiting!"

To rid myself of this anxiety, I read through an old post of mine and I decided to repost it.

Here it is:

When Opportunity Knocks...

There is a story about a wealthy man who was dying from an incurable disease. He built his wealth from hard work and savvy business deals. He was an intelligent man that came from nothing, and created everything he needed to live the life he was destined to live. When asked about his secret to his success, he always answered “I was prepared to open the door when opportunity knocked.”

He was married to his childhood sweetheart for over fifty-three years when she died suddenly in her sleep. She was never able to bare children so there was no heir to his estate. When the wealthy man learned of his illness, he began his search to find someone to leave his riches with. To qualify, there were only three conditions; this person had to have come from his hometown, be of meager beginnings and be prepared to start working towards the fulfillment of their destiny immediately. This was an opportunity of a lifetime for a small town person with big plans and little means.

Unfortunately, the wealthy man died; leaving his estate to charity. You see, he interviewed a lot of people who were not prepared to act on what they said they were destined to do. I refer to the wealthy man’s story often. I encounter many hard working people with dreams of fulfilling their ultimate goals. Unfortunately, if opportunity ever knocked on their door, they would not be prepared to open it. Your thinking, how is it possible to be hard working, have goals, and not be considered prepared?

Humor me for a moment and answer your own question by doing this:

Think of the thing you believe you are destined to do. Is it to become a best-selling author? Is it to become CEO of a company? Now imagine receiving a call from a publishing house or board of directors informing you that today is the day that you can do what you’ve always wanted to do. You are a hard worker. You have goals. Now…are you prepared? Have you prepared your manuscript? Do you know everything you need to know to run a company? If your answer is yes, great! You are well on your way. If you answered no, start preparing today. It is important to be prepared for the “what” while you are waiting on the “when.” In other words, you may not know when your boss will offer you the promotion…but when he does, you better know how to do the job!

Preparation+ Opportunity=Success ~Sydney Poitier

After reading my own words, I decided to apply them to my own life. I went over my plans and assessed the work that I have done over the past 2 months and here is what I have learned:

I have yet to complete the final edit of the book I am so anxious to release.
I have not decided on a layout for my website I am so anxious to launch.
I have not finalized my new price points...

...I am not prepared

To Blog…Nakeia

Challenge Update!

2010-09-09T12:26:00.004-04:00

I have been working with Stacy for just about two weeks now and she has come a long way in such a short period of time! The only thing I assigned her to do was to sit and listen to her self twice a day. Just doing that opened Stacy’s eyes to the fact that, she has been heavily influenced by outsiders.

Stacy's words:
I almost didn’t recognize my own inner voice. I have been worried about--- and listening to what other people say for too long. I haven’t been living my life. I have been living the life everyone else wanted for me.

Can you relate? Has the voice of outsiders been drowning out your own voice?

Beware of outsiders!
An outsider, within this context, is someone who is not directly attached to your purpose, plan, and intentions for your life; someone whose power and influence will not add value to your life; and someone whose life does not exemplify success, contentment, and wholeness. No ones voice should be more influential to yours. You will not succeed at living a life that is designed by someone else.

Here are a few questions that will indicate whether or not you are too heavily influenced by outsiders:

When you get an idea, do you call someone to validate it?
When making a decision, do you worry about what someone else will think?
When you have decided on an action, can someone easily talk you out of doing it?
How much of what you have done this week, was your idea?
Are you living the life you chose?

Moving forward, to ensure that you are hearing your own voice and living the life you desire, ask this question before making your next move:

Am I doing this because I want to or because an outsider wants me to?

To Blog…Nakeia

The Element of Surprise

2010-09-08T13:04:00.005-04:00

Getting my daughter to keep a secret is the hardest thing to do. It’s as if she is going to explode with information at any minute. In our house, special occasions are especially difficult for her. She wants the honoree to be surprised, but she also wants to shout from the mountain top what gift, card, or special project she has in store. I try to explain to her that being able to keep a secret or hide a gift is just as exciting as sharing the moment of surprise; but for her, it’s just all too overwhelming…

On the other hand I sort of know how my daughter feels. Whenever I am writing a new song or working on a new project, I have a difficult time keeping it to myself. I may get so excited about the premise of a song that I have to call and share it with my sister. I may get overwhelmed by the promise of a new business prospect that I have to email my BFF. But---there is nothing worse than to have that overwhelming feeling of excitement, ruined by the lack of enthusiasm from someone else.

Your talents, skills, and countless abilities are your gifts to the world. Using those things to the best of your ability is how you will leave your mark. As excited as you may be to share them, releasing those gifts before they are fully developed may ruin their effect. It is true that you only get one chance to make a first impression. Taking the time to master your craft and detail your vision before you introduce it to the world will ensure that you leave a lasting impression.

…Speaking of vision. Your vision for your life is your vivid mental image. That means it is impossible for someone else to see your life exactly the way you see it. Your vision for your business, marriage, children, and personal image is unique to only you. It is possible for you to share your vision in such a detailed way that someone else may be able to imagine it; but even then, that person’s perceptual experience will be quite different than yours. You don’t want that difference to ruin your excitement for your vision. So take care in who you share it with.

Some things may be for your eyes only--- at least until the opportunity to share them is met with your preparation. Don’t ruin the element of surprise or enthusiasm for your gift to the world by presenting it prematurely. Spend time in preparation. Use time to your advantage.

Here are two quick tips for today:

Do not share an idea before it is fully developed. An idea is better served as a plan. Do your research and become as knowledge on the subject of your idea/plan as possible. You want to be prepared for questions and possible opportunities.

Develop Bullet Points. I am sure that there is an idea that you are extremely excited about at this very moment. After reading this blog you realize that you have been sharing your idea prematurely. If you are like my daughter and just can’t keep a secret, develop three Bullet Points that you can intelligently share. Those points can be as simple as the name of your idea, how you conceived it, and who can benefit from it.

To Blog…Nakeia

Habit Hoarders

2010-09-07T14:10:00.015-04:00

I tune in to many shows on A&E during the week, but Hoarders is not one of them. I just can not get into the whole being dirty and stinky---on purpose and then crying about thing. However for the past few weeks, they have been advertising the new season's premiere, as being the worst ever! Someone even threatened to call the health department! However luring the clip of the season premiere may seem, I still think filthy grownups is just too much for me.

(Disclaimer: As a former mental health professional, I am sensitive to the clinical aspects of hoarding. It is dirty and stinky nonetheless.)

So as I was viewing the clip of the season premiere of Hoarders, for the 100th time, I started thinking about Habit Hoarders. A Habit Hoarder is someone that stores a substantial supply of habits. The habits are most often negative and the hoarder usually admits that the habit should be replaced, however they hang on to them. Just like those who hoard food, clothes, or newspapers, people who hoard habits hang on to them for comfort. Things that are familiar bring a sense of comfort. To break a bad habit, you must delve into the unfamiliar. You must let go of your supply of bad habits and replace them with good ones.

If you store bad habits, you are a Habit Hoarder. If you have been saying that you were going to stop doing something and have yet to stop it, you are a Habit Hoarder. If you hang on to old habits in the unlikely case that they may be of good use to you one day, you are a Habit Hoarder. But---that can change, if you change it!

Here are a few strategies that will help you get rid of those bad habits once an for all:

The Switch. The most fool proof way to get rid of a bad habit is to switch or replace it with a new one. That sounds simple because it is. If you want to stop the bad habit of smoking a cigarette to relieve stress, switch to listening to music instead.

Reward or Punishment. Everyone likes to be rewarded for good behavior and no one likes to be punished for bad. To break your bad habit use a reward or punishment system. Set up a system that gives you rewards of substance. Stay away from rewarding yourself would food or clothing because that may lead to the introduction of new bad habits. If the reward system isn't a big enough incentive, include a system of punishment. For example, if you make the decision to re-engage in a bad habit one day, you can punish yourself by abstaining from your favorite television show that night.

All or Nothing Emphasis. You either want to break your bad habit or you don't. There is no such thing as eating a little too much. If you want to break the bad habit of overeating, you can't decide to eat a restrictive diet all week and then eat whatever you want on the weekend. That type of strategy will not get you results. Instead of having a bad habit of over-eating all week, you will have a bad habit of overeating on the weekends. To break a bad habit, you must go all the way!

Those are three simple strategies that will get you results!

To Blog...Nakeia

The Parent Trap

2010-09-02T14:00:00.011-04:00

Lindsay Lohan is at the top of the news once again. I will save my opinion on her situation for private banter. However, I can't help but be intrigued by the talk surrounding her parents. You will not hear talk of Lindsay without hearing about her mess of a father and mother. If you know anything about my life, you will agree that I can relate, on many levels, to some of Lindsay's back story---or at least the story the media has shared with world.

Parenting it the most underrated job ever. Some people just have kids to satisfy their own personal desire to be loved, to dictate, and to fulfill their American dream of the All American Family.

A husband/wife and a couple of kids in a photo every Christmas does not a happy family make...

I was speaking with a friend today, and it amazed me to hear how much of our parents ideals were coming out of our mouths. From the type of family we wanted to have...to the type of careers we wanted to have, it was obvious that the lives our parents led and the values, or lack there of, that they held dear directly affected us.

The fact that my friend's parents did not fully develop in the areas of education and professional achievement, prompted my friend to lack in development in those same areas. She says things like I am not good at that, or I am not good enough, smart enough, or ambitious enough do do that.

The fact that my family were blue collar workers, who believed in working hard no matter what, prevented me from starting my own business for years. Not only did I have a hard time imagining myself as a business owner, but I was afraid of what they thought about me not punching a clock everyday. I would say things like--- I want to start my own business, but I have to work. What in the world does that even mean?

Listen to yourself speak. Listen to the things that you tell your children. Now ask yourself if that is you or your parents speaking. Your parents may have done the best they could to with you. But your parent's best is not your best. Your parents may be very successful. They may be well educated, provided a great home for you, and may have set an excellent example of family for you as well. But their best is still not your best.

Understand this, you will always be limited by the ability of the people you compare yourself to. Even if the people you are comparing yourself to go by the name of Mom and Dad.

To Blog...Nakeia

Yahoo and Me...

2010-09-01T13:51:00.005-04:00

I have shared some stories from my life many times on this blog. As a speaker, I use my story as an introduction, and as a mentor I use my story, along with my research and professional experience, often to illustrate a particular point. So as part of my introduction to the Metro Atlanta area, I hosted a Lunch and Learn and invited some fellow speakers, authors, musical artists, and entrepreneurs to come and hear some of my story first hand.

The world is full of great people with interesting stories of overcoming obstacles, building success after years of failure; and stories of people becoming more than their circumstances, experiences, and even family told them they could be. So as compelling as the story of my life is to me, I pray, every time I get ready to speak, that I don’t bore the audience.

A wonderful woman by the name of Karen Francis came out to learn about me. She was also kind enough to invite four other people---which blew me away because she had never met me before that day. Although with her career in finance, real estate, radio, and marketing, Karen is a writer. She and I are a lot alike in that we believe in using every gift, talent, and skill that we have to add value to our lives as well as others we come in contact with. I really dig her style!

Anyway, Karen didn’t find me boring---thank God! She actually asked to interview me for the Associated Content for Yahoo. I am still working on my blogging skills and have yet to read the book I picked up on HTML. So please, bear with me as I the ancient way of posting a link to the interview.

Click here to read the article

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5732380/life_development_strategist_and_mentor.html?cat=33

To Blog…Nakeia

My Pick

2010-08-31T11:59:00.004-04:00

I don’t even know who I am anymore.
I need to change, but I don’t know where to start.
This…isn’t me!

Those are the words of my pick for the Leave 2010 With No Regrets Challenge. She is a 30 something… wife, mother, and aspiring business owner. Her family has suffered a huge negative shift in their finances, and she is feeling extremely overwhelmed.

5 or 6 years ago I knew who I was and what I wanted. I was upbeat, energetic, and full of ideas. I was the one that everyone came to for advice…and now I am coming to you.

Most people who make the--- I don’t even know who I am anymore statement live their lives as characters, rather than taking the time to actually develop personal character. They create a persona that is based upon how they look, what they have accomplished, how much money they have in the bank, and how others see them. I know this to be true because whenever you ask them to describe who they were before, they say things like:

People loved me...
I used to go out more…
I would never go around looking like this before…

Those phrases have everything to do with the surface. Those are assumed identifiers and there is nothing distinctive about them. If someone was to ask for a description of me and I said, people love me, I go out, and I always look nice, what would that tell you about me?

In the case of my pick for the challenge, who I will call Stacy, she allowed her material gains, the amount of people surrounding her, and ultimately her personified self to define who she was. And when she could no longer keep up the appearance, she became unrecognizable to herself.
Now let me just say there is much, much more to Stacy. She is well educated, a dedicated wife and mother, and has a wonderful idea for a business. In order for me to find that out, however, I had to dig past the persona to find the Stacy that has been waiting for her opportunity to thrive.

Stacy’s first assignment is to spend time with her neglected self. I say neglected because she hasn’t spent much time in self reflection, assessment, or realization. For the next two weeks she will spent 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes at night, sitting alone and saying nothing. By doing this, the real Stacy will feel permitted to speak and eventually she will begin recognize her.

More of Stacy’s journey to come…

To Blog…Nakeia

A Toy and Catch Phrase

2010-08-30T10:17:00.011-04:00

Philosophers, mathematical theorist, humanists, astronauts, Beyonce’, and the President himself have all used this one particular quote. I, for one, have been using this quote so much lately, that I should be offered some sort of endorsement deal. It’s so deep. There is no limit to its possible use.

And it was the words of this world famous, 12-inch, space ranger!

That’s right! An award winning, Disney Pixar character by the name of Buzz Lightyear, of Toy Story, has sparked quite an interest among children, of course, but also among adults since hitting the big screen in 1995. The catch phrase, to infinity…and beyond is used by 5 year olds on the playground and college professors in the classroom…

In the case of Toy Story, infinity is used to reference space beyond the Earth. When I use it, I am referencing something that is boundless, limitless, and too great to count. For instance, you can think without bounds, dream without bounds, and create limitless opportunities IF you dare to do those things with a mind that is set to infinity…and beyond.

This week I want you to approach each day, each opportunity, and each new endeavor with a mind set to infinity. Think out of the bounds of your currentcircumstance, dream without limits, and live a life that creates an atmosphere where opportunities too great to count are welcomed.

To infinity…and beyond!

To Blog…Nakeia

Love (The Series) Part 4

2010-08-26T12:37:00.009-04:00

The idea of attraction is something that I have spent many years researching. It is a concept that continually resurfaces every decade or so. In the early part of the twentieth century a concept surrounding the idea of attraction officially became known as The Law of Attraction. However, it is reported that in 1879, the New York Times was the first major newspaper to use the phrase Law of Attraction. A book and movie by the same name, titled The Secret (2006), highlights the law and featured many leading philosophers, motivators, and inspirational thinkers of today. I have purposely stayed away from the Law of Attraction in my blogs for many reasons. The main reason is because it is not a law that I totally ascribe to. Today is no different…

I want to introduce the principle of attraction as it pertains to dating. This is a complex idea so I will cover a few key principles here on the blog. For those of you who may desire further explanations, as always, you have an open invitation to ask questions and leave comments.

According to Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary, to attract is to draw by appeal to natural or excited interest, emotion, or aesthetic sense. Attraction is the act, process, or power of drawing/pulling to oneself. It is also the power of drawing forth a response. In other words if you attract something or someone, you are acting as a magnet.

Specific to dating, attraction is literally what brings or draws to people together. Someone may pull your attention to them by offering a pleasant smile; others may draw your attention because of a pleasant cologne or perfume. Either way, something caught your attention or peaked your interest. Conversely, you may pull someone else’s attention in the same way.

Now that my lecture is over, basically here is what I want you to know:

If you have been wondering why every man you meet only want s to sleep with you, you must consider the principle of attraction. Did to attract that man by your pleasant smile, intellectual conversation, or that new black dress that fits you like a glove? Let’s be real for a second, men are visual. If they see it and it looks good to them that is almost all it takes to set the principle of attraction in motion. Now I am not saying put the new black dress in the back of the closet. Just consider the things that you want to make the central focus of a relationship, and make sure that those things are being used to attract the man you desire.

As for my male readers, the same apply to you. If you use money to attract a date, do not become alarmed when your date expects you to maintain that lavish lifestyle. Material gifts and expensive dinners are great---but should be considered an investment when it comes to dating. A woman of substance is connected to what is important in life and doesn’t need your money.

Here are a few quick tips for attracting the man/woman you desire:

If you want a smart man/women, become smart yourself and use your intellect to attract a mate.

If you want an attractive man/woman, take care in your own personal appearance and health.

If you want a man/ woman who is wealthy, learn everything there is to know about money and use that knowledge to become wealthy yourself.

One final thought on the principle of attraction as it pertains to dating; you should not spend the prime of your life, seeking the attention of another. Purpose, contentment, and wholeness is attractive, if you seek to attract fulfillment in those areas of your life, the best man/woman will automatically be drawn to you.

To Blog…Nakeia

Love (The Series) Part 3

2010-08-25T11:58:00.010-04:00

Elizabeth Taylor had seven husband and eight marriages. She actually had the nerve to marry the same man twice! Well I certainly would have married him again for that 69.42-carat pear-shape diamond he purchased her! Now I am certain that there is some one some where that has married more than eight times, but Elizabeth Taylor is by far one of America’s favorite serial brides!

Honestly, I can’t imagine a desire to be married strong enough to make me do it eight times. But I have been married eight years and I can tell you that loving, supporting, nurturing, and training one husband is no walk in the park!

On a more serious note, It takes love, commitment, respect, and diligence to create a successful marriage. Each personal must be clear on his/her marital purpose. Here is a little premarital advice for those of you who desire to be married:

Before you say I DO…

…Here are a few questions that you and your mate should address:

What are your intentions (expectations) for marriage? You can not live happily ever after if you have not yet identified what happily ever after means to you. Each individual must be clear on what is expected of them. (Quick Tip: Be realistic about your expectations. Fairy tales are for children.)

What value does each of you intend to bring into the marriage? There is strength in partnering. When two people can come together, each bringing their own personal strengths, there is nothing that can not be accomplished! Understand the value of your intended mate and be sure to use it to become better yourself. (Quick Tip: Allow your mate to exercise his/her strength. If you can navigate through life alone, then you should remain single. Marriage has no place for ego!)

What will be your family purpose? You may lead separate lives in your career. You may have very important personal goals---But there should be a point in every marriage/family when you come together to achieve something as a unit. There should be something meaningful, something lasting, and that will enhance each individual’s personal strength. (Quick Tip: Scheduling some time each weekend to work on a family project will establish a routine that will help maintain a connection and strong sense of togetherness.)

I have listed three questions that can be the foundation of a successful marriage. For those of you who are already married, it is not too late to address these important issues. Staying connected to your intentions for marriage is what will assist you in maintaining the happy marriage that you desire. I strongly advice everyone that has made a decision to enter into marriage to seek the counsel of a professional before you say I DO.

To Blog…Nakeia

Love (The Series) Part2

2010-08-24T10:43:00.003-04:00

Then:
Guy likes girl. Girl likes guy, but pretends she doesn’t. Eventually, guy and girl “go out”, get married, have children, and live happily ever after. All of that took place over the course of a year.

Now:
Guy likes girl, but pretends he doesn’t. Girl likes guy. Right away, guy and girl “hook up”, get engaged, have children, and live miserably ever after. All of that takes place over the course of 10 years.

I am happily married and off the market---THANK GOD! From what I hear, it is not easy being single. The ratio of women to men varies from place to place. BUT, one thing that is consistent everywhere is that single women outnumber single men. I will not get into statistics on STD’s, but I will share that it has been reported that, in the United States, there is more than 1 million people living with HIV and more that ½ million people who develop AIDS have died. Keep in mind that there are many people who never get tested. So what a girl or guy to do?

Something like 1 in 5 current relationships are developed through online dating services. I personally know 2 couples that met online and married this year. For those of you who live in a cave and are not familiar with online dating, it is a dating system which allows individuals to meet online before meeting in person. Each individual sets up a personal profile and specific criteria with the intentions of creating a perfect match.

If you are really busy and don’t have time to cruise the online matchmaking scene, you can take a couple hours on a Friday night to attend a Speed Dating event. Yes…speed dating! This option seems to be the most entertaining. If you hear your biological clock is ticking, you may want to check this one out! I kid…I kid! Seriously though, speed dating is a formalized matchmaking process which encourages individuals to meet a number of people, at once, in a setting that allows you to get straight to the point.

Here is my take on dating. If you are over the age of 25 and you want to get married and start a family, stop wasting time, money, and your intentions on Friday night Fillers. Fillers are individuals that you allow to fill-in for the real thing. You know that person (filler) isn’t the one, but you don’t want to spend your Friday night alone or just with friends. So you call on a Filler to fill the void that can really only be filled with a meaningful relationship. I admit I was guilty of using Fillers. I have only had two romantic relationships in my life. I was a teenager during the first relationship and the other guy I now call husband. But I mistakenly allowed Fillers to occupy the space in between.

I will not endorse online dating or speed- dating, but I will say that those methods do two things that I will advise you to do as well.

Establish a criterion. You know the type of guy or girl that is suitable for you. Get rid of the Fillers! I know some dating experts with tell you to get rid of your wish list and compromise. I beg to differ. That is just another way of telling you to settle. I will however, suggest that you be realistic. Tall, dark, and handsome just doesn’t cut it any more. Ladies, you are not Barbie and Ken is plastic. Please list some criteria of substance.

Get straight to the point. Stop wasting time. Time is of the essence is a legal phrase that I use on my contracts for my business. It simply means that the actions set forth in the agreement must be fulfilled in the time set forth or in a reasonable amount of time. It is also a very important principle that can be applied to many instances of your life. Set a specific or reasonable time frame for getting to know a person. I personally would know after the first date if someone was suitable for me. For you, it may take two dates. If a meaningful relationship that will lead to marriage is your goal, get to the point!

I think I’ve said enough…

To Blog…Nakeia

I'm Back!

2010-08-23T10:37:00.004-04:00

I've missed you so much that I am going to post twice today!

As promised, this week I will talking about L-O-V-E. I can be quite dogmatic on the issue of love at times. So today I thought I would ease my way into the series by sharing my earliest ideas of love. So check out Love (The Series) Part 1!

I also promised to share is my pick for the Leave 2010 With No Regrets Challenge. If you missed the post about the challenged, you may still have a chance. I have decided to reopen the challenge!! I will tell you why later.

I will explain the challenge again...

I want to assist someone in using the last 4 months of 2010 to do what it takes to leave this year with NO REGRETS. I am offering my expertise as a Life Development Strategist and Mentor, for FREE, to a follower that is READY TO CHANGE his/her life! This offer is exclusive. I will only chose someone that I deem suitable for an intensive development program. If you have read any of my blogs, then you already know that I am a woman of action! So the person the I chose must be prepared to act---immediately. If you believe you are ready, please send me an email detailing what you would like to accomplish before the end of the year. You have until August 27 th at 5pm to submit your request for assistance.

With that said...make today a day of productive action! Engage in activities that will set success in motion!

To Blog...Nakeia

Love (The Series) Part 1

2010-08-23T10:21:00.015-04:00

When I fall in love it will be forever
Or I'll never fall in love
In a restless world like this is
Love is ended before it's begun
And too many moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun

When I give my heart it will be completely
Or I'll never give my heart
And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you.

And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you. ~ Victor Young

I learned everything I needed to know about love from old black and white movies on American Movie Classics (AMC) and the lyrics in famous love songs. When I heard one of my favorite singer’s of all time, Nat King Cole, perform his cover version of Victor Young’s When I Fall in Love--- that was it! I knew LOVE was for me.

So quite naturally, when I fell in love with my first boyfriend, at 15 years old, I just knew it would be forever. After all, in every black and white movie I had ever seen, when to people fell in love, even if there was a period of separation, they stayed in love---forever!

Needless to say I found out, the hard way, I did NOT know everything I needed to now about love. In the real world, love is not scripted like the scene in a movie, it not as smooth as the timbre in Nat King Cole’s voice, and I and my EX-boyfriend were not actors playing the role of forever loves.

Right about the time my EX-boyfriend broke my heart, at the tender age of 18 years old, I should have remembered the final line in Victor Young’s song.

…And the moment that I feel that you feel that way too, is when I fall in love with you.

In relationships love should be reciprocal. Love should be felt and shown by each side. Before you decide to fall in love and give your heart completely, you should be clear on 2 things:

Be confident that you are placing your love and heart in good hands.

Be confident that the recipient feels the same way, and that they are willing to express those feelings through mutual exchanges of affection, desire and kindness.

If you go into your next relationship with just those 2 things in mind, you will avoid wasting precious time and avoid the pain of heartache.

To Blog...Nakeia

Back Soon...

2010-08-12T12:37:00.005-04:00

Hello Internet!!

I have taken on a mission that will leave me unable to blog for a few days...

Please tune in on Monday. I will be announcing my pick for the 4 month Leaving 2010 with No Regrets challenge. As promised I will not share your real name, but I will be sharing some of our journey.

I have also decided to spend next week on issue of L-O-V-E. I have received some messages with questions concerning dating, marriage, and love-lost---so I will share my answers in a series I call ___________________?????

Sorry, I haven't named it yet.

See you next week!

To Blog...Nakeia

Kindergarten Lessons...

2010-08-11T09:26:00.007-04:00

So, as you know, I have been a mess all week. A MESS!

My one and only child, the apple of my eye, the center of my world, my human alarm clock---has finally (after much begging not to be home-schooled any longer) left the nest. I wasn't ready to let go. As difficult as it has been to work, prepare 3meals and 2 snacks a day, teach my daughter everything she needed to know about shapes, sounds, color, numbers, planets, presidents, and everything in between; 3 days ago, when I dropped her off at school I felt loss---LOSS. I wondered if I had made the right decision. I worried that all she would do all day was color and sing songs--- she a very bright child and she can and should be doing more than coloring and singing, I thought to myself. Day 2 was a little better because I had meetings to occupy my time. But on the way home I almost forgot that she would be there waiting for me...

This morning on the way to school, my daughter says to me---Mom, you need to get over it. We can't be together all of the time.

Get over it! Really?!

As I drove away from the school I realized that I really needed to get over it. I made a decision to let her go and now I must live with it. So, just like that* I am over it!

I decided to share my kindergarten lesson with you today because I know that I am not alone. I am not the only one that has made a decision that I was not able to live with.

In the words of a very wise kindergarten kid, get over it! Once you have made a decision, learn to live with it.

To Blog...Nakeia

Hello Kindergarten

2010-08-09T11:36:00.009-04:00

...As I walked her through the hallway, I could feel her grip getting tighter and tighter. She was excited and scared. She was anxious and hesitant. It was written all over her face... But nothing was going to stop her from walking into that classroom...

...I knew those feelings. It was the same kind of feelings that I felt the day the doctor confirmed that I was carrying her. I was excited to be a mother, but scared that I would fail. I was anxious to see her face to face, but hesitant about her leaving my belly to enter this sometimes ~crazy world... But nothing was going to stop me from enjoying every moment...

Even the ones that make me excited, scared, anxious, and hesitant---all at once.

Today I proudly introduced my baby girl to kindergarten!

To Blog...Nakeia

More Like a Habit...

2010-08-06T10:18:00.009-04:00

When I was in college, studying human behavior, researchers said that it took about 14 days to break a bad habit.

Since then, the days have increased to 21---to 30---to it depends on the age, length of time one has engaged in the old behavior, gender, and on and on...

In other words, Idk (that means I don't know for those of you non-texters).

Idk what kind of bad habit you want to break or what new habit you are attempting to break in~ to, but I promise if you start with 1 day of intentional decision making, you will be well on your way to changing your entire life.

Today, make decisions that are intentional.

To Blog..Nakeia

Skip the Introductions

2010-08-05T17:32:00.003-04:00

Begin with the end in mind, and you won’t need to begin again…

I have been writing the same book for the last 8 years, she says to me. She corrected herself and began again by saying---I have been trying to write the same book for 8 years and honestly, I can’t get past introduction. I know what I want to say, but I am having a hard time getting it out.

I ask her---what is it about?

She spent 5 minutes explaining the circumstances that led her to write the book and at least 10 minutes detailing the characters, plot, and conclusion of her book.
When she finally stopped speaking, I said to her---why don’t you just write that?

Moral of the story…
Sometimes you can’t get so caught up in the details surrounding the start of your goal that you loose sight of what you set out to accomplish.

The Remedy…
Begin your next diet, relationship, or book with the end in mind and skip the introductions.

To Blog…Nakeia

Where It All Began...

2010-08-04T12:25:00.005-04:00

The story of my journey to whole life development starts with my first major life goal. I was 10 years old, living in a public housing development, or the projects, with my granny when I made my first intentional decision. I wanted to get out of the projects and stay out. So, I set a goal to graduate high school, graduate college, and get a job that would pay me enough money to live in a house far away from the hood. Setting that major life goal kept me off the streets, away from boys, and focused on my intentions.

The success of achieving that goal is a direct result of the Principle of Intentional Decision Making™. I will go over that principle, in detail, with the person that I choose to work with to begin their journey to achieve a major life goal, for the next 4 months. But for those of you that will be working diligently on your own to leave 2010 with no regrets, I want you to keep this in mind.

When deciding where to focus your efforts, you should begin with a clear statement of intention. What do you want to reasonably accomplish within the next 4 months?

At 10 years old, all I knew for sure is that I wanted to live some where else. That’s it.

This is the apartment I grew up in.

That choice---that statement of intention is where it all began. And that is a good place for you to start.

To Blog…Nakeia

Special Offer...

2010-08-03T11:32:00.008-04:00

As we move toward fall, I am preparing to focus my intentions on new objectives, goals, and ideas for the next season. There is only 4 months left to this year. Now a few years back you may have found me in panic mode right about now. As you well know I am a planner. So I would join the rest of the world in writing New Year’s resolutions, plans, goals---whatever you want to call it. Most of the time, each year’s list would be identical to the year before. I would get all caught up in the hype over the resolutions, and when the hype wore off, so did my desire to resolve.

This year’s list was the best one yet. Instead of writing a long list of things I wanted to do. I prepared a short list of things that I needed to do before 2010 was over. There were goals that I had been carrying over from year-to-year---for years. I was not going out like that this year! I am proud to say that most of my intentions for this year have been accomplished. If this week goes as planned, there will only be two things left for me to accomplish and I have 4 months to do it!

What about you? Are you proud of how you have lived year? Have you crossed off the things on your list? Have you come to a resolve on the major issues in your life?

There is still 4 months left to 2010. I want to see you leave this year with no regrets! So, I am offering my services as a Life Development Strategist and Mentor, for FREE, to 1 reader. If you follow my blog, you know what I do. I have given out strategies and principles that people pay me for just so that you can live a desired life. Some of you have sent me messages saying how something I that have shared has made you think, but now it is time to take action! I will not disclose the identity of the person that is chosen, however I will be sharing our journey on the blog. Just send me a message detailing your intentions and explain why you believe you are finally ready to make it happen. This offer is not for the weak, scared, and lazy. That’s right---you heard me! You must be willing to put in the work! I am willing to make the commitment if you are!

This offer will expire August 13, 2010. Do not delay!!!

For those of you that are not chosen, I have a special offer for you as well.

Let’s Make It Happen!!!!!

To Blog…Nakeia

A Simple Message

2010-08-02T10:54:00.006-04:00

Today instead of a story, a famous quote, or an assignment, I have a simple message...

...Stop looking outside of yourself for the answers.

You have everything you need to do everything you want to do. Look inside and dig up those long lost dreams, unfinished goals, and forgotten promises you once made to yourself. Dust them off, reconnect and get to work!

I guess this is sort of an assignment, huh?

To Blog...Nakeia

Tips Week Day 5

2010-07-30T10:43:00.006-04:00

If I gave you the assignment of writing down all of the things that you do not like about yourself, you would complete it effortlessly. You have spent years committing the act of verbal abuse against yourself. You have hated your nose since you were 10. You started speaking ill of your thighs after college. You think your smile isn’t bad, but just wish your teeth were whiter. You like the length of your hair but you wish that it was thicker…

Those kinds of comments are common among women, but men, you have issues too. You think that being a few inches taller would have given you a better edge in high school. You work out really hard at the gym because you think that you can get just as buff as the next guy; but what you are really telling yourself is that the way you look right now isn’t good enough. Or, how many times have you looked in the mirror dreading the day that you expect to go bald like your father…

Tip # 5
Show YOURSELF some love. Stop the verbal abuse. The things that you hate about your appearance and your life can always be change. We live in a world that has created a gadget, pill, cream, or surgery that has promised to cure everything that ails you. If you think that you are too short that can be fixed as well. Doctors can break some bones in your legs and reattach them in a way that could add inches to your height.

Here is the truth. Your body is a shell. It acts a shield or covering to preserve the things that matter the most---like you spirit, character, and heart. Learn to love who you are on the inside so that those things can give you the strength and the will to improve, reinvent, and appreciate the things that you see on the outside.

To Blog...Nakeia

Tips Week Day 4

2010-07-29T10:07:00.020-04:00

For years I hated baking. HATED IT! So imagine how grateful I was to marry a man that could bake. I just put in my requests and stay out of his way. He bakes delicious cakes, cookies, and even candies. One day I saw him whip up one of cakes that my grandmother is famous for and I was amazed! It looked good, tasted even better, and it only took him 30 minutes to get it in the oven...

Speaking of my granny, she is the reason why I hate baking. She is a great cook and baker, but there is a method to her culinary genius and if you were going to cook with her, you HAD to learn that method. As a child, I didn’t want to learn a method. I just wanted to stir up some stuff and lick the spoon. But granny had other plans for me. When it was time to bake some cakes, she would wake me up early in the morning. We would measure, and sift, mix and stir---for hours. And the stirring is what really got me. According to the method, I had to stir 20 times to the right and then 20 times to the left. Really----20 times, and she would know if I only stirred 19. It seemed like she was just being extra to me, but she swore by her method and the proof was in the pudding (Pun intended---she makes the best banana pudding). If that is what she needed to do to make her cakes taste so great, I said whatever works. But I certainly wasn’t going to be the one doing all that work. So after years of baking according to granny’s method, I gave it up. I turned in my apron and left the baking to the experts.

...Okay, back to my husband’s baking skills. The day that I saw him whip up my granny’s famous pound cake in about 30 minutes, my whole life changed. When I saw him put it in the oven, I told him I think skipped some steps. He said he didn’t. But I wasn’t convinced. How did he get the same cake that took me and granny all morning to measure, sift, mix and stir---into the oven in only 30 minutes? The proof was in the first bite. It was great---almost better than granny’s---almost. We talked about it briefly and I told him all of the things that granny and I did to make than same cake. He said; all of that isn’t even necessary….

Tip # 4
Do what is necessary. You have developed certain methods over the years. From your morning wake-up routine, to the route you take to drive work---you do things a certain way. But is it all necessary? Sometimes it is possible to get lost in the method. Some things just aren’t necessary and it stalls your productivity. If you have been having a difficult time in keeping up with your deadlines and fulfilling your daily responsibilities, this tip can help.

Re-evaluate your method and see if you can eliminate some steps. There may be a way for you to get the same quality of work, with the least amount of effort. There may be a way that is just as efficient and less intensive. Discovering these new methods may free up some time that you could spend creating other opportunities.

Implementing Tip # 4 is easy. When you see that it taking you quite a bit of time to complete one task, ask yourself if all of the steps you are taking to do it are necessary.

To Blog…Nakeia

Tips Week Day 3

2010-07-28T13:25:00.001-04:00

I have come to realize that everything is not going to always go according to plan. No matter how much time you put into researching and planning, things happen. This is especially true for entrepreneurs. When you provide a service, the success of your business is dependant upon the skillful execution of your well thought out business plan. However there are times when your must do list exceeds the amount of hours in a day. For those who are employed by someone else, I am sure that you can relate to that as well. On top of your obligations at work, there is still the house, kids, and spouse to attend to.

As I said in Tip #1, I like to plan my life by the week. That works for me because I am able to assign my many responsibilities to a specific day and not get overwhelmed by what needs to be done before the week is over. Even though, by Sunday evening, I know what I will be doing everyday for the next 7 days, during the week new responsibilities are presented. For instance, a potential client will call and I may have to stop what I am doing and put together a proposal. Here is where today’s tip comes into play.

Tip #3
Pick up where you left off. Don’t stress over the things that you didn’t get done today. Put in on tomorrow’s list. In fact, I leave my Friday mornings free just for catching up. Whatever I don’t get through during the course of the week, I move it to Friday morning and pick up right where I left off. The best thing that you can do to remain productive is not to get overwhelmed. Things happen. Sometimes even the best plans need to be altered. Just learn to work with the plan and not against it.

To Blog…Nakeia

Tips Week Day 2

2010-07-27T12:27:00.005-04:00

So she wakes up feeling like she’s have just gone to sleep. She hits the snooze button leaving just enough time to shower, dress, and head out of the door. She sits in traffic complaining about how long it takes her to get to work. Speaking of work, she hates her job, her boss, and her co- workers. She gets to work and already she is counting the minutes until lunch time. She does just enough work not to get fired, but not enough work to get that promotion. Finally, its lunch time and she spends it gossiping with the co-worker she hates, about the other co-workers she hates. Lunch is over and she spends the rest of her work day avoiding the boss she hates and counting down the minutes until she can go home. Her work day is over and she makes a mad dash out of the door. As she sits in rush hour traffic, she thinks about all of the things she wants to do when she gets there. It takes her two hours to get home. She gets home tired, because after all, she has had a long day. She makes dinner, watches television until she can barely keep her eyes open, goes to sleep, and wakes up just to do the same thing all over again…

Does any of this sound familiar? What if we changed the she to a he and replaced gossiping with surfing the internet during the lunch hour? Or--- what if we threw a few kids and a wife or husband in the mix? This kind of daily routine is typical of people who are not focused. In fact, the she in the story above could easily describe me eight years ago.

Tip #2
Focus your efforts. Learning to focus your efforts toward specific objectives will increase your productivity, enhance your potential, and provide a space for new opportunities to enter into your life.

Here is a way you can focus your efforts. Divide your day into these 3 phases:

Preparation
Wake up at least 30 minutes earlier each day. (Exercise, meditate, and welcome possible opportunities.)
Spend at least 2 minutes saying what you are grateful for. (I am grateful for my life.)
Create a list of daily affirmations. State your intentions for the day. (Today will go as I have planned.)
Use your daily commute for personal development. (Listen to a book on CD.)

Production
Stick to the plan. (Review Tip #1)
Avoid distractions. (Stay away from gossip and social networking at work.)
Conduct mid-day assessments. (Keep track of your progress.)
Increase your efficiency. (Make sure your way is the best way and utilize all of your resources.)

Recreation
Refresh your mind. (Listen to your favorite band, read a book, indulge in a hobby.)
Refresh your spirit. (Reflect on your daily accomplishments, meditate, pray.)
Refresh your body. (Take a walk, stretch, and spend time relaxing.)
Spend time in personal development. (Designate at least one hour to work on personal goals.)

Focusing your efforts by implementing this type of routine will help you go from just being busy to productive and from just getting by to enjoying every moment of your life.

To Blog…Nakeia

Tips Week!

2010-07-26T11:12:00.004-04:00

As I begin to revamp one of my businesses and prepare to launch another, I have had a hard time keeping up with everything. If you follow my blog regularly, you already know how many hats I wear. As a full-time wife, mom, writer, and business manager, maintaining a consistent level of productivity is extremely important to me. I understand that if I am productive, I will abundantly and efficiently experience a desired life. However, sometimes I find myself just doing whatever to keep up. In business being productive boils down to economics. When I am productive, my business is productive---that is ---my business is producing goods and services of exchangeable value. In other words if I am productive, I will get paid. It is also important to maintain productivity in my personal life as well. I should be producing satisfactory and useful results among my family, in the area of my health, and concerning my personal desires.

I know I am not alone. I have had this conversation with friends and colleagues who all have the same concerns. For me, the past few months had been very busy. I had been running errands, on the phone, on the computer, cooking and cleaning, and one morning as I prepared to start my day, I sat in front of my computer trying to find one that I had produced---one thing that was of exchangeable value---one thing that was abundant and efficient. There was nothing. No-thing!

So I went back into my archives and pulled out my list of strategies for maintaining a productive life. I felt it was time that I got a handle on things and started practicing what I preach. Now that I am back on track, I have decided to dedicate this week to sharing my strategies with you. Everyday, I will be sharing a small tip that will make a big impact on your week.

Tip #1:
Plan ahead. You can either plan your day the day before, or plan your days a week ahead. I personally create weekly plans. Your plan or system for achieving productivity should be detailed and results driven. You should use phrases like:

Today I will email my new proposal to 5 potential clients between the hours of 9am and 11am

Today I will read 1 chapter in my new book between 7am and 8pm

If you commit to implementing the first tip for one week you will get more done with less effort. You will also feel like more hours have been added to your day because instead of being busy or occupied, you will be more efficient.

To Blog…Nakeia

This is My Confession...

2010-07-22T12:59:00.006-04:00

Liar, liar pants on fire!
You can’t handle the truth!
There’s nothing wrong with a little white lie.
The truth hurts.
You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.
Confession is good for the soul.

Why do people lie---really?

...Most of the time the truth ends up coming out anyway. At least that has always been the case for me. I would be lying if I said that I don’t lie. Like when there is a lightning storm and my daughter asks me if I am scared. I always say no but the truth is I am terrified of lightning storms. Of course I can’t tell her that because that would scare her. Or---and this is a bad one---like the time I told my grand-mom that a cart hit her brand new car. The truth is a backed into a pole because I wasn’t paying attention to my driving. She still doesn’t know the truth. So it is a good thing that she refuses to use the internet! That was thirteen years ago so please don’t judge me…

The kinds of lies that have always amazed me are the ones we tell to ourselves. How can you lie to yourself---you were there, you were the one who experienced it, you were the one who did it---you know the truth! As crazy as it sounds, we do it all the time. We say that we were busy, when the truth is we were procrastinating. We say we are too tired, when the truth is we are lazy. We say we want to change, when the truth is we are comfortable with things staying the same.

The truth may hurt sometimes, especially the ones we have to face about ourselves. But the hurt will be overshadowed by your new found freedom. Sometimes the truth will be so hard to handle you will feel like your whole world is on fire and not just your pants (I just had to throw that in there). Little white lies you tell yourself keep you detached from reality and you will spend the rest of your life dreaming about what you want to have instead of experiencing it.

Confession is truly good for your soul. I feel much better now that I have told the truth about what I did to my grand-mom’s car. I don’t know if I will tell her yet, but this is about being truthful with ourselves anyway---right? Yeah, that’s it…

Make today National Tell the Truth to Myself Day! Be honest with the one who matters the most---be honest with you. If you have been feeling stuck or like something has been holding you back, it is probably because the lies you have been telling yourself are preventing you from moving forward. Face the truth and be free.

To Blog…Nakeia

Note to Self...

2010-07-21T15:30:00.007-04:00

Think about the person that you spend most of your time with---the person that you communicate the most---the person that you share your dreams and aspirations with.

Now most of you have in your mind your spouse or best friend. Some of you have considered a sibling or favorite cousin---but the person that I am referring to is you.

You spend most of your time with yourself. You communicate with yourself more than you communicate to anyone else. That communication takes place in your thoughts, personal journals, dreams, and lets be real, some of us literally talk to ourselves---out loud.

It has been reported that 87% of self-communication is negative.

I want you to learn to engage in positive self-communication. Starting today, I want you to communicate, out loud, 5 positive statements to yourself. You can write them down and read them aloud. You can speak them out loud in the car on the way to work. You can look at yourself in the mirror and say them every morning. However, you feel comfortable doing is okay by me, so long as you begin today.

You can only reach your fullest potential if you identify your strengths and remind yourself of them daily.

To Blog...Nakeia

Purpose Is As Purpose Does...

2010-07-20T12:26:00.004-04:00

I was watching the local news yesterday, which is not something that I do often. Anyway, they featured a local obstetrician who was over 90 years old. His story was significant because he had single handedly delivered around 15,000 babies. His deliveries span across generations. He delivered entire families in some instances. The story featured daughters, mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers that were all delivered by this one amazing doctor.

He had a family of his own. He and his wife were parents of five children. When he met his wife, decades ago, he told her that the woman he married would need to understand that she would come third in his life. His life was centered by God, his patients, and his family (in that order). Amazingly enough, his wife was okay with that. She even bragged about how good a husband and father he has been. I am not to sure about how I would feel if I was third in my husband’s life, but I digress.

That doctor was fully aware of his purpose and has spent his life fulfilling it. What struck me most about this news story is the fact that the doctor’s life wasn’t that amazing to him. In his mind, delivering 15,000 babies was simply the result of him doing what he has always wanted to do. And that was just to be a good doctor.

Some of you have been wasting valuable time trying to discover some mystical, larger than life---divine purpose. When all a long, your reason for existence, desired effect, or purpose in life is simply to be the very best that you can be. As a result of just simply fulfilling that (being your very best), the larger than life---divine things will reveal themselves to you.

Start with what you know, what you are good at, and what you can begin to actively do right now if you really want to discover your purpose.

To Blog…Nakeia

What Do You Want---Really?

2010-07-19T14:42:00.003-04:00

What do you want?

I have asked that question of myself and of others many, many, many times. It never gets old because it never gets answered---fully that is. On the surface we all have an idea of what we want. The ideas present themselves in many forms. We say we want to be happy, rich, successful, married, single, thin, healthy, secure, enlightened (whatever that means), and on---and on. Those are what I call surface answers. Those answers will point you in the direction of what you want but not really fulfill the job of getting you there.

In addition, a large number of people who know what they want---or have an idea of it at least---do not engage themselves in the things or more specifically, actions that they need to do daily to get what they want. For example, you may say that you want to be happy. Yet, you surround yourself with a group of unhappy friends, you’ve been in the same unhappy relationship for 3 years, and you are unhappy with the fact that you never finished college. Everything about you right now is un-something. How do you reconcile your daily life choices with your desire to be happy?

Today, I want you to think about the things that you say you want. Consider the house you want. The body you want. The wife you want. The husband you want. The career you want---the life that you have always dreamed of living. Now answer this question. What intentional decisions and actions have you taken, today, to get yourself closer to experiencing the things you want? In order to answer this question, you must get past the surface answers and straight to the core. You must also take an inventory of your daily activities, environment, friends, etc.

Doing what you need to do will ensure that you able to also do what you want to do.

To Blog…Nakeia

100 Words For My 100th Post

2010-07-16T15:15:00.003-04:00

I did something that I haven’t done in a long time---something that I use to do daily---something that I envy children for being able to do---something that I practically have to bribe my 5 year old to do. I took a nap! Don’t judge me.

You may be wondering how can someone whose daily responsibilities include managing a business, home- schooling a child, writing, blogging, and house keeping fit in a nap. Well--- it wasn’t easy, but it was worth it!

Sometimes the hardest things to do in life are also the simplest.

Try it…

To Blog…Nakeia

How's That Working for You?

2010-07-15T12:06:00.007-04:00

We've all heard the idiom: if it aint broke, don't fix it.

That idiom essentially means it is a mistake to try to improve something that works.

I will admitt to jackin a line from the good ole' doctor, Dr Phil. Whenever someone continues to rally around a series of behaviors that everyone around them can see are mistakes, Dr. Phil asks this question: How is that working for you? I know---I know. Many people think Dr. Phil has given psychologists a bad name. But say what you will, that line works every time!

I use that line almost everyday of my life. I get phone calls, emails, text message, and even letters in the mail (yes---people still mail letters) from people who tell me why they engage in behaviors that even Stevie Wonder can see ISN'T WORKING. Yes--- it is a mistake to try and improve upon somethinng that is working very well for you. But it is an even bigger mistake to hold on to something that is broken with the hope that some how---some way, it will magically improve its self.

More to the point---look around you. Look at your job, your spouse, your friends, your thoughts, your words, and your actions. I got one question for you. How is that working for you?!.

To Blog...Nakeia

Monkey in the Middle

2010-07-14T11:07:00.008-04:00

Between where you are and where you want to be is everything you need to get there and stay there.

I use that phrase often. That is actually the biggest lesson I have learned thus far.

I use to say things like: I know what I want and I don’t know how I am going to get it, but I will get it! That sounds like the words of a very determined woman, and I was and still am. But what I was really saying is: I want something but don’t have a clear understanding of why I want it and I am not going to take the time to design and intentional plan to acquire it. I will do something---anything---to get it! I rarley got it, and would just end up frustarted. That mindset didn’t get me very far to say the least.

My daughter came to me in frustration the other day. She was upset over a game of Monkey in the Middle. She was playing with her two cousins who decided that she should be in the middle first. My daughter had never played before so she just ran from person to person trying to tackle the ball out of their hands. She didn’t understand that there was a process to getting out of the middle. If I remember correctly, the object of the game, for the one (monkey) who is in the middle, is to catch the ball to get out of the middle. Once that person is out of the middle, he/she must throw the ball over or around the newest monkey in the middle in order to prevent another trip to the middle themselves. That is how I explained it to my daughter before encouraging her to give the game another shot.

A process is a series of actions directed toward a specific aim. It is also a series of natural occurrences that produce a change or development (can’t remember where I found those definitions to cite it). Understanding the process you must go through to get to your desired life will prevent you from being frustrated. Your frustration will leave because your process will direct you toward actions that are deliberate and intentional. You will no longer feel trapped in the middle of your journey, like a monkey, trying to tackle your way out. Once you embrace and understand your process you will develop an action plan that will get you where you need to be. In addition to your action plan, you will begin to positive changes and measurable development in specific areas of your life. You will learn lessons and develop formulas that will set you up for a series of future successes.

I don’t know where you are on your journey to success, happiness, and peace, but I guarantee that if you embrace the process and allow it to direct you, you will discover that are exactly where you need to be right now.

To Blog…Nakeia

Mirror, Mirror...

2010-07-13T10:27:00.012-04:00

I could have been….
I should have been…
I would have been…
I use to be…

Those words begin the statement of someone who is living in the past, ignoring her present, and afraid of her future…

For four years I used those words. I was unhappy, uncertain, and insecure about my future. I had made some decision that I couldn’t live with at the time, so all I could do is reminisce about the past. I was stuck in the days of old…the days when I was young and fearless…the days when I knew exactly what I wanted and how I was going to get it…the days when things seemed easier and my responsibilities were lighter. I kept telling myself that I didn’t know who I was anymore. Quite honestly, other people begin to tell me I was different. I didn’t dress the same, my hair was different, my priorities had shifted, and I was using words of defeat.

I remember going to the nail salon in my hometown and going up to the technician I had used for years. I said hello and she said hi someone will be right with you. I asked her if she remembered me and she said no. I explained who I was and she said in complete disbelief, oh my God, I didn’t even recognize you…what happened?!. I remember thinking to myself, does makeup really make me look that different…because at the time I was bared faced. Then, the technician cut me off mid-thought. She further explained that my face looked the same, but she didn’t recognize me because I wasn’t dressed and my hair was different. At that moment I realized that my outward appearance was a direct reflection of what I dealing with inwardly. I was a mess from the inside out. I was unrecognizable…

Many things have happened to me between then and now. I tidied up some of the mess I had going on within. I did something with my hair and spruced myself up a bit. Most importantly, I said goodbye to the past, introduced myself to my present, and began to plan my future…

Have you taken a good look at yourself lately? Are you recognizable? What does your outward reflection tell you about what is going on inside?

We have all had those moments. We have looked at our selves and our circumstances and wondered what is really going on. We remember who we used to be and wonder how we went from ThaT to ThiS. Your circumstances, appearance, thoughts, and words reveal who you really are. As you look at yourself today, look past the superficial and see what your internal self is trying to tell you.

To Blog…Nakeia

Dreams, Shoes, and Reality...

2010-07-12T15:56:00.007-04:00

There is nothing like a good dream. You know the kind of dream that seems so real, that you don’t even know you are dreaming until you wake up. I dream of movie ideas, song lyrics and melodies, and I even relive past events or foresee future events in my dreams. My husband thinks that I am crazy. Well, he always thinks I am crazy for some reason or another, but specifically, when it comes to dreams, he really thinks I’m crazy.

Here’s a dream confession. Sometimes I dream that my husband has done something to make me angry and I actually wake up with an attitude. Like the time I dreamt I’d just purchased a brand new pair of Jimmy Choo shoes. I wore the shoes to an exclusive event that I was asked to emcee. As I walked on to the stage, I tripped and my heel broke! What happened next is what angered me. I looked over to the table where my husband was seated, and there he was, laughing at me. Laughing! I woke up very angry at him that day because anyone who knows my husband will tell you that if that had happened in real life, he would be sitting at the table laughing!

Here is another dream confession. When I get a new idea or goal, I make myself to dream about it so that I can get a visual glimpse or vision of that idea. I doubt if any science will back up my claim, but it’s true. I can make myself dream of something by thinking about it intently just before I go to bed. Really! It works every time.

A dream is a sequence of images that appear involuntarily to the mind during sleep. Those images can be a mixture of real and imaginary characters, places, and events. Conversely, a dream can also be something that is hoped for and a hope is a confident desire. Most often, this type of dream is something that is far removed from present circumstances. This type of dream is also found in the heart of someone ambitious, hopeful, and fearless.

Today, I have a message the dreamers. Specifically, the people who can see their goals, plans, and purpose in the form of a vision while a sleep and awake, can feel their purpose as it pulses in their heart, and are ready to see those dreams become reality. Keep dreaming! I know, that’s not exactly the message you were look for; but it’s the message you need. When you let go of your dream or idea of a likelihood of success, you ultimately forfeit your chance for something desirable to happen in your life.

James Allen says that dreams are the seedlings of realities. In other words, dreams are small developing images of your future reality. I say dream until what you see in your sleep and feel in your heart is realized in your life.

To Blog…Nakeia

The Story of Your Life

2010-07-09T10:41:00.006-04:00

Everyone has a story. Celebrities live out their stories with coverage from the media. Wanna be celebrities live out their somewhat scripted stories on reality television. Then, there is us, real life people with real life stories. There are stories of victory and of failure, stories of love and of love lost, stories filled with moments of pride and stories of regret, but no matter the details, everyone has a story of their life.

My story begins with two teenagers who have no business being together. They hung out long enough for me to be conceived, but not long enough to see me born as a couple. Those facts are the only thing that everyone can agree on. From birth to about 8 or 9 years old, there are at least 10 versions of my life, depending upon who you ask. Although the beginning of life is a bit sketchy, what happened at the age of 10 changed the course of life as I knew it. At 10 years I realized something that some adults have yet to grasp. I saw everything around me, knew I wanted to change it, and realized that I could do just that. I could change my life. I could write my own life’s story.

There are some things in life that are written for you and characters that can’t be changed. You can not choose your parents or script your own childhood. Believe me, I have tried. No matter how many times I wished upon a star, my dad never turned into Dr. Huxtable. Here is the good news. The story of your life is not over. There are pages that haven’t been turned. Here is more good news. As an adult, you can write the story you choose. You can create your own story line. You can decide on the characters. You can live the life you choose.

On July 31st at Sperata on the Square in Lawrenceville Georgia, I will be sharing more of my story. I will also be sharing principals that have helped me re-write my own story line. Those same principals can be used to connect you to the power to create an intentional story of your own.

For more information, please click on this link:
http://lunchandlearnwithnakeiachomer-efbevent.eventbrite.com/

To Blog…Nakeia

Better Late Than Never!

2010-07-08T12:02:00.004-04:00

I came across a pretty interesting documentary on television last night. It profiled four women who were all over the age of 50 when they gave birth to children. Two of the women were already mothers and the other two women had never experienced the joy of motherhood. In fact one of the women had previously given birth to 10 children! She decided to give it another try when she married for third time. Not only did she try, but she succeeded, twice! She said that she wanted her new husband, who had no children his own, to experience fatherhood.

Although the oldest woman profiled was over 70 years old when she gave birth (I know what you are thinking…), the woman who stood out to me the most was in her 60’s. Let’s call her Sue because I don’t remember her name. Sue had spent all of her adult life caring for her sick and aging parents. First, she helped her mother care for her father. She made a promise to her father on his death bed that she would also care for her mother. Shortly after her father’s death, her mother became ill. Sue kept the promise she made to her father and cared for her mother to the end. When her mother died, Sue was in her 40’s and was just beginning to start her life. She met a man and married and soon realized that she may have waited to long to attempt to start a family. Then in her 50’s, Sue began her quest to motherhood with the assistance of IVF, or In Vitro Fertilization (just like all f the other women in the documentary). Sue gave birth to a baby girl just before turning 60 and during the show; she was actually trying to find a doctor that would assist her in giving birth one more time.

The reason Sue stood out to me is because she is just like many of us. We spend most of our lives being busy. Busy working at jobs we hate, being afraid to pursue our dreams, putting others before us, and watching, from the sidelines, as others realize their dreams. Then, one day we realize that while we were busy being busy, life has gone on without us.

Today, I want you to know that it is not too late! You still have time to do what is in your heart to do. Life happens whether you decide to participate or not. Take an active role in life. Start by getting out your pen and paper and writing down all of the things that you intend to do before you die. Of those things, decide which can be done before you turn 50. If you are 50 and over, decide which can be done within the next ten years. Once you have made your decision, begin to design an intentional plan that will allow you to fulfill those goals. Look at it like this, if a 70 year woman can give birth, you can certainly write a book, score a film, or open a restaurant. You are the only thing standing in your way.

I started a new list of my own. The first thing I wrote down was to run in a marathon. What's is the first thing on your list?

To Blog…Nakeia

Cartoons Are For Adults Too!

2010-07-07T02:05:00.004-04:00

Franklin has become my new favorite cartoon. Yes. I said cartoon. As you already know, I have a beautiful, bright, witty, amusing, sociable, and impressionable 5 year old daughter. My husband and I hand pick the programming she is allowed to watch on television and Franklin is on the top of the list. Basically, the show begins with Franklin a talking, life-size turtle, doing the things that typical toddlers do. He has a hard time sharing with friends. He gets over competitive at school and with sports. He gets angry with his little sister. He is a picky eater…you know, kid stuff. By the end of each show he realizes that there are consequences for his actions. His friends ignore him. He gets punished for being mean to his sister. He gets singled out at school. Yet in the end, he is grateful for the lessons he has learned along the way. He also promises never to repeat those actions again and shares those lessons with his friends.

Side bar: Franklin isn’t the only talking animal on the show, but he is the only one with a name. That fact is so funny to me. Franklin is a must see!

Ok, I’m back…

I was reminded of Franklin during a conversation I had yesterday. I was talking to someone who was feeling as if life was being too hard on him. He admits that he has made some mistakes along the way, but insists that at this stage in his life, he is doing everything right. Of course, I asked him if he has learned from his mistakes. He said yes. So, I asked him to share the lessons with me. Aside from saying he would never do those things again, he had no clear answer for me.

I believe that nothing that has happened in my life has been for naught. Every circumstance, those that I have created and those that were out of my control, has occurred to teach me something that will add value to my life or to the lives of those who will read my blog, listen to me speak, or sing the songs that I write. I have made many mistakes. I have endured difficult circumstances. I have also worked diligently at a plan that has failed and I have often given more than I have received on many occasions. And just like my friend, I have felt like life was being way too hard on me…even now…that I am doing everything that I know to do to create the life I know I deserve, I find myself asking life to cut me some slack. Then, just like Franklin I realize that there consequences for every action. Even the ones I feel I have been forced to take.

While you are considering your current circumstance, consider the lesson it is meant to teach you. If you are having difficulty running your own business, consider the lessons you may have missed when you were an employee. If you have having difficulty with a friend, consider the lessons you may have missed from friends you have lost. There is always more to learn and further to develop. Just when you think you are doing all you can, do more. We all know that bad things can happen to good people. But consider the idea that those bad things can also make a good person, better.

To Blog…Nakeia

Memory Lane, Old Cars, and You...

2010-07-06T13:20:00.002-04:00

Growing up, my grandmother owned the biggest, brightest, and oldest car I had ever seen. Seriously, it had to have been built before I was born and when I say bright, I mean bright yellow! You could see us coming from a mile away! I hated that car! I prayed that she would get rid of it before I was old enough to drive, but apparently God has a sense of humor. It was big. It was boxy, and if I was going anywhere, it was that car that was going to take me. I was in two minor accidents with that car. Both times, the other cars looked like they had been hit by a truck…but not Betsey, which was the name my grandmother gave it. Of course my friends called it names like the Big Banana Boat or Hella Yella.

My grandmother was proud of that car. It was a made in the late 60’s or early 70”s and it was a Ford. It seemed like the longer we kept the car, the better it would drive. It held on until the very end. It didn’t have the normal car issues like the engine or transmission…it just died of old age. Oh, there was one thing. It didn’t have heat. So, in the winter, we would drive around with blankets to shield us from the cold. When Betsey finally died, my grandmother went straight to the Ford dealership to purchase another tuff car. Ford’s slogan up until 2008 was Built Ford Tough. Every time I heard it or read it, I would think of Hella Yella…I mean Betsey because that is definitely the toughest car I have ever seen.

There is a point to this short trip down memory lane. I know you are not a car. I know Ford has changed its slogan…but humor me…Humans were built to withstand the toughest of conditions. Just talk to a holocaust survivor, thriving rape victim, or war hero. We cry over not being able to live in the house we want, not being happy with our jobs, and not being with the love of our lives, when we have the human potential to change the things we don’t want.

Today, my message is simple. Toughen up! You possess the ability to change your life. You may not be made of steel like Ford cars, but you are made of intellect, experience, and human strength. Every test, disappointment, and closed door is there to remind you to utilize those abilities. You may have to endure difficulty. You may need to do some things you don’t want to do. It may take you longer than you had hoped. But, it is doable! Stop underestimating yourself. You are tougher than you think!

To Blog Nakeia

LOL!!!

2010-07-05T14:14:00.004-04:00

For the past five days, I have had a house full of people…up to ten to be exact! Beds, sofas, air mattresses, make-shift floor beds, and three bathrooms were shared by 8 girls and two guys (my poor husband). We laughed until we cried, ate until we couldn’t breath, remembered how life used to be, and shared stories of life in motion. We talked about childhood dreams that still need to be realized, and mistakes that we have made as adults that we wish we could forget…

Getting together with family and friends is a must do. With deadlines, bills, carpools, headaches, disappointments, and life as we know it, a good laugh, cause by an embarrassing story from the past, could be just what you need to regroup.

I read somewhere that 15 minutes of gut-busting laughter is equal to 5 minutes of moderate jogging. If that is true, I probably laughed myself into a smaller pair of skinny jeans this past week!

Take some time to laugh as hard as you can…even if you have to laugh at yourself!

To Blog…Nakeia

The Truth About Opportunity

2010-06-30T11:40:00.002-04:00

There are many reasons people give for not experiencing a successful life. I have heard and maybe even said myself such things as:

I would be further along if only…
If I had another chance, I would…
Things would have turned out differently if…

Here are a few famous quotes concerning opportunity:

Opportunity is never lost; they are taken by others. ~unknown
Opportunity dances with those who are already on the dance floor. ~H. Jackson Brown Jr.
Opportunity multiply after they are seized. ~Sun Tzu
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overall and looks like work. ~Thomas Alva Edison

I say, opportunity will knock on the doors of those who are prepared to open it. Today, begin to seize every moment you have to prepare for the opportunity you have been waiting for. Don’t miss out because have spent more time talking about what you want to do, than you have preparing yourself to actually be able to do it successfully. Revisit your business plan from 2 years ago and make sure it is relevant today. Spend more time networking with other professionals and less time hanging out with friends. Do not be one of those people with a long list of reasons you are not experiencing success.

To Blog…Nakeia

The Truth About Envy...

2010-06-29T13:25:00.002-04:00

Have you ever pulled your older model car that has cloth seats, a check engine light that has been on for 2years, and blows out smoke when you start it, into a parking space that was parallel to a shiny, brand new, chromed out, luxury car of your dreams; and wondered, to yourself, what does the driver of that car do for a living? How about this one? Have you ever sat a table in a restaurant with a group of your closest friends that was adjacent to a table that seated a couple that was whispering into each others ears, gazing into each other’s eyes, and sitting so close to each other that they looked like Siamese twins (ok, maybe that’s a bit much); and you wondered, to yourself, will I ever fall in love? Or, finally, have you ever listened, from the other end of the phone, as your sister, brother, or best friend expresses how happy, fulfilled, and successful they are now that he/she has found his/her purpose in life; and you wonder, to yourself, will I ever discover my purpose?

Well, I have. I have looked at what someone else has, how successful someone else appears to be, and wondered, to myself, when will that be me?!. I am driven. I have goals. I am intentional. I should have what I see others enjoying… Then I had a conversation with a friend who has reached her career goals, is financially secure, but envy’s the fact that I have a husband and a child. I have also come in contact with clients, random people in the grocery store, and close family members and friends who are all in search of their life’s purpose; while I have know what it is I am here to do for years now.

What if I…? When will I…? What about me…? How come she…? Is it fair that he…? Those are questions that will prevent you from placing the focus where it belongs. James Allen says that you should make your purpose the centralizing point of your thoughts. Personal and professional development is a self -centered process. You must develop tunnel vision if you want to be successful at it. Further more, you will never truly know where someone else is on their journey. They may appear to be further ahead than you; but getting to that place in life may have cost them more than you were willing to sacrifice.

Today, direct your focus inward. Make your purpose the centralizing point of your thoughts. What someone else has that you want, will not change the course of your life. So, do not waste your energy on envy.

To Blog…Nakeia