Not even this blog I wrote 3 weeks before delivering my son Chase (whom I affectionately call Lil' Mister). I was prepared to welcome my healthy baby boy into this world, armed with my camera, cell phone (So my family back home can listen in), and the cutest new born outfit I could find. I was eager to change his diaper, bath him, comb his hair and coddle him for the first time. I was looking forward to seeing what his first night in this new world would be like for him. I wanted to experience the first times he closed his eyes for the night and opened them to welcome in the next day. I was looking forward to the moment I could introduce him to his big sister--- witnessing the look on her face as she walked into our hospital room and saw me holding her little brother. I was looking forward to walking him out of the hospital doors after 2 days and into the house we had just moved in to (because we needed to make room for him).
Yet instead of the perfect scene I had imagined and prepared for, My son was whisked away from me and his father---minutes after he was born---and rushed to the NICU (Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit) where he stayed for 14 days, 19 hours, and 30 minutes. We were only permitted to interact with him for 1hour a few times a day...
A nurse changed his diaper, bathed him, combed his hair, and coddled him for the first time. I missed seeing his eyes close for the night and open the next morning. Total strangers spent the night with my son, while I sat, with my husband, in a lonely hospital room questioning every move I had made during my pregnancy, every lie I ever told, every person I ever offended, and every night I forgot to say a prayer before bed.
On day 6, as I walked out of the hospital leaving my baby in the care of doctors, nurses, and other staff, I felt horrified, guilty, empty, and strongly aware of the fact that there are some things that I just can't prepare for.
When we are faced with those things, we must replace preparation with faith. I wasn't prepared for my son to enter into this world under such unimaginable conditions, but my faith assured me that things would turn out just as they should---and they did. My Lil' Mister is healthy, happy, and ALWAYS hungry!
...When all else fails, have faith.
What have you been unprepared for lately? What have you needed to have fath in? How have you handled recent unimaginable conditions?