My Pick

I don’t even know who I am anymore.
I need to change, but I don’t know where to start.
This…isn’t me!

Those are the words of my pick for the Leave 2010 With No Regrets Challenge. She is a 30 something… wife, mother, and aspiring business owner. Her family has suffered a huge negative shift in their finances, and she is feeling extremely overwhelmed.

5 or 6 years ago I knew who I was and what I wanted. I was upbeat, energetic, and full of ideas. I was the one that everyone came to for advice…and now I am coming to you.

Most people who make the--- I don’t even know who I am anymore statement live their lives as characters, rather than taking the time to actually develop personal character. They create a persona that is based upon how they look, what they have accomplished, how much money they have in the bank, and how others see them. I know this to be true because whenever you ask them to describe who they were before, they say things like:

People loved me...
I used to go out more…
I would never go around looking like this before…

Those phrases have everything to do with the surface. Those are assumed identifiers and there is nothing distinctive about them. If someone was to ask for a description of me and I said, people love me, I go out, and I always look nice, what would that tell you about me?

In the case of my pick for the challenge, who I will call Stacy, she allowed her material gains, the amount of people surrounding her, and ultimately her personified self to define who she was. And when she could no longer keep up the appearance, she became unrecognizable to herself.
Now let me just say there is much, much more to Stacy. She is well educated, a dedicated wife and mother, and has a wonderful idea for a business. In order for me to find that out, however, I had to dig past the persona to find the Stacy that has been waiting for her opportunity to thrive.

Stacy’s first assignment is to spend time with her neglected self. I say neglected because she hasn’t spent much time in self reflection, assessment, or realization. For the next two weeks she will spent 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes at night, sitting alone and saying nothing. By doing this, the real Stacy will feel permitted to speak and eventually she will begin recognize her.

More of Stacy’s journey to come…


To Blog…Nakeia

A Toy and Catch Phrase

Philosophers, mathematical theorist, humanists, astronauts, Beyonce’, and the President himself have all used this one particular quote. I, for one, have been using this quote so much lately, that I should be offered some sort of endorsement deal. It’s so deep. There is no limit to its possible use.

And it was the words of this world famous, 12-inch, space ranger!

That’s right! An award winning, Disney Pixar character by the name of Buzz Lightyear, of Toy Story, has sparked quite an interest among children, of course, but also among adults since hitting the big screen in 1995. The catch phrase, to infinity…and beyond is used by 5 year olds on the playground and college professors in the classroom…

In the case of Toy Story, infinity is used to reference space beyond the Earth. When I use it, I am referencing something that is boundless, limitless, and too great to count. For instance, you can think without bounds, dream without bounds, and create limitless opportunities IF you dare to do those things with a mind that is set to infinity…and beyond.

This week I want you to approach each day, each opportunity, and each new endeavor with a mind set to infinity. Think out of the bounds of your currentcircumstance, dream without limits, and live a life that creates an atmosphere where opportunities too great to count are welcomed.

To infinity…and beyond!

To Blog…Nakeia

Love (The Series) Part 4

The idea of attraction is something that I have spent many years researching. It is a concept that continually resurfaces every decade or so. In the early part of the twentieth century a concept surrounding the idea of attraction officially became known as The Law of Attraction. However, it is reported that in 1879, the New York Times was the first major newspaper to use the phrase Law of Attraction. A book and movie by the same name, titled The Secret (2006), highlights the law and featured many leading philosophers, motivators, and inspirational thinkers of today. I have purposely stayed away from the Law of Attraction in my blogs for many reasons. The main reason is because it is not a law that I totally ascribe to. Today is no different…

I want to introduce the principle of attraction as it pertains to dating. This is a complex idea so I will cover a few key principles here on the blog. For those of you who may desire further explanations, as always, you have an open invitation to ask questions and leave comments.

According to Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary, to attract is to draw by appeal to natural or excited interest, emotion, or aesthetic sense. Attraction is the act, process, or power of drawing/pulling to oneself. It is also the power of drawing forth a response. In other words if you attract something or someone, you are acting as a magnet.

Specific to dating, attraction is literally what brings or draws to people together. Someone may pull your attention to them by offering a pleasant smile; others may draw your attention because of a pleasant cologne or perfume. Either way, something caught your attention or peaked your interest. Conversely, you may pull someone else’s attention in the same way.

Now that my lecture is over, basically here is what I want you to know:

If you have been wondering why every man you meet only want s to sleep with you, you must consider the principle of attraction. Did to attract that man by your pleasant smile, intellectual conversation, or that new black dress that fits you like a glove? Let’s be real for a second, men are visual. If they see it and it looks good to them that is almost all it takes to set the principle of attraction in motion. Now I am not saying put the new black dress in the back of the closet. Just consider the things that you want to make the central focus of a relationship, and make sure that those things are being used to attract the man you desire.

As for my male readers, the same apply to you. If you use money to attract a date, do not become alarmed when your date expects you to maintain that lavish lifestyle. Material gifts and expensive dinners are great---but should be considered an investment when it comes to dating. A woman of substance is connected to what is important in life and doesn’t need your money.

Here are a few quick tips for attracting the man/woman you desire:

If you want a smart man/women, become smart yourself and use your intellect to attract a mate.

If you want an attractive man/woman, take care in your own personal appearance and health.

If you want a man/ woman who is wealthy, learn everything there is to know about money and use that knowledge to become wealthy yourself.

One final thought on the principle of attraction as it pertains to dating; you should not spend the prime of your life, seeking the attention of another. Purpose, contentment, and wholeness is attractive, if you seek to attract fulfillment in those areas of your life, the best man/woman will automatically be drawn to you.

To Blog…Nakeia

Love (The Series) Part 3

Elizabeth Taylor had seven husband and eight marriages. She actually had the nerve to marry the same man twice! Well I certainly would have married him again for that 69.42-carat pear-shape diamond he purchased her! Now I am certain that there is some one some where that has married more than eight times, but Elizabeth Taylor is by far one of America’s favorite serial brides!

Honestly, I can’t imagine a desire to be married strong enough to make me do it eight times. But I have been married eight years and I can tell you that loving, supporting, nurturing, and training one husband is no walk in the park!

On a more serious note, It takes love, commitment, respect, and diligence to create a successful marriage. Each personal must be clear on his/her marital purpose. Here is a little premarital advice for those of you who desire to be married:

Before you say I DO…

…Here are a few questions that you and your mate should address:

What are your intentions (expectations) for marriage? You can not live happily ever after if you have not yet identified what happily ever after means to you. Each individual must be clear on what is expected of them. (Quick Tip: Be realistic about your expectations. Fairy tales are for children.)

What value does each of you intend to bring into the marriage? There is strength in partnering. When two people can come together, each bringing their own personal strengths, there is nothing that can not be accomplished! Understand the value of your intended mate and be sure to use it to become better yourself. (Quick Tip: Allow your mate to exercise his/her strength. If you can navigate through life alone, then you should remain single. Marriage has no place for ego!)

What will be your family purpose? You may lead separate lives in your career. You may have very important personal goals---But there should be a point in every marriage/family when you come together to achieve something as a unit. There should be something meaningful, something lasting, and that will enhance each individual’s personal strength. (Quick Tip: Scheduling some time each weekend to work on a family project will establish a routine that will help maintain a connection and strong sense of togetherness.)

I have listed three questions that can be the foundation of a successful marriage. For those of you who are already married, it is not too late to address these important issues. Staying connected to your intentions for marriage is what will assist you in maintaining the happy marriage that you desire. I strongly advice everyone that has made a decision to enter into marriage to seek the counsel of a professional before you say I DO.

To Blog…Nakeia

Love (The Series) Part2

Then:
Guy likes girl. Girl likes guy, but pretends she doesn’t. Eventually, guy and girl “go out”, get married, have children, and live happily ever after. All of that took place over the course of a year.

Now:
Guy likes girl, but pretends he doesn’t. Girl likes guy. Right away, guy and girl “hook up”, get engaged, have children, and live miserably ever after. All of that takes place over the course of 10 years.

I am happily married and off the market---THANK GOD! From what I hear, it is not easy being single. The ratio of women to men varies from place to place. BUT, one thing that is consistent everywhere is that single women outnumber single men. I will not get into statistics on STD’s, but I will share that it has been reported that, in the United States, there is more than 1 million people living with HIV and more that ½ million people who develop AIDS have died. Keep in mind that there are many people who never get tested. So what a girl or guy to do?

Something like 1 in 5 current relationships are developed through online dating services. I personally know 2 couples that met online and married this year. For those of you who live in a cave and are not familiar with online dating, it is a dating system which allows individuals to meet online before meeting in person. Each individual sets up a personal profile and specific criteria with the intentions of creating a perfect match.

If you are really busy and don’t have time to cruise the online matchmaking scene, you can take a couple hours on a Friday night to attend a Speed Dating event. Yes…speed dating! This option seems to be the most entertaining. If you hear your biological clock is ticking, you may want to check this one out! I kid…I kid! Seriously though, speed dating is a formalized matchmaking process which encourages individuals to meet a number of people, at once, in a setting that allows you to get straight to the point.

Here is my take on dating. If you are over the age of 25 and you want to get married and start a family, stop wasting time, money, and your intentions on Friday night Fillers. Fillers are individuals that you allow to fill-in for the real thing. You know that person (filler) isn’t the one, but you don’t want to spend your Friday night alone or just with friends. So you call on a Filler to fill the void that can really only be filled with a meaningful relationship. I admit I was guilty of using Fillers. I have only had two romantic relationships in my life. I was a teenager during the first relationship and the other guy I now call husband. But I mistakenly allowed Fillers to occupy the space in between.

I will not endorse online dating or speed- dating, but I will say that those methods do two things that I will advise you to do as well.

Establish a criterion. You know the type of guy or girl that is suitable for you. Get rid of the Fillers! I know some dating experts with tell you to get rid of your wish list and compromise. I beg to differ. That is just another way of telling you to settle. I will however, suggest that you be realistic. Tall, dark, and handsome just doesn’t cut it any more. Ladies, you are not Barbie and Ken is plastic. Please list some criteria of substance.

Get straight to the point. Stop wasting time. Time is of the essence is a legal phrase that I use on my contracts for my business. It simply means that the actions set forth in the agreement must be fulfilled in the time set forth or in a reasonable amount of time. It is also a very important principle that can be applied to many instances of your life. Set a specific or reasonable time frame for getting to know a person. I personally would know after the first date if someone was suitable for me. For you, it may take two dates. If a meaningful relationship that will lead to marriage is your goal, get to the point!

I think I’ve said enough…

To Blog…Nakeia

I'm Back!

I've missed you so much that I am going to post twice today!

As promised, this week I will talking about L-O-V-E. I can be quite dogmatic on the issue of love at times. So today I thought I would ease my way into the series by sharing my earliest ideas of love. So check out Love (The Series) Part 1!

I also promised to share is my pick for the Leave 2010 With No Regrets Challenge. If you missed the post about the challenged, you may still have a chance. I have decided to reopen the challenge!! I will tell you why later.

I will explain the challenge again...

I want to assist someone in using the last 4 months of 2010 to do what it takes to leave this year with NO REGRETS. I am offering my expertise as a Life Development Strategist and Mentor, for FREE, to a follower that is READY TO CHANGE his/her life! This offer is exclusive. I will only chose someone that I deem suitable for an intensive development program. If you have read any of my blogs, then you already know that I am a woman of action! So the person the I chose must be prepared to act---immediately. If you believe you are ready, please send me an email detailing what you would like to accomplish before the end of the year. You have until August 27 th at 5pm to submit your request for assistance.

With that said...make today a day of productive action! Engage in activities that will set success in motion!

To Blog...Nakeia

Love (The Series) Part 1

When I fall in love it will be forever
Or I'll never fall in love
In a restless world like this is
Love is ended before it's begun
And too many moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun

When I give my heart it will be completely
Or I'll never give my heart
And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you.

And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you. ~ Victor Young

I learned everything I needed to know about love from old black and white movies on American Movie Classics (AMC) and the lyrics in famous love songs. When I heard one of my favorite singer’s of all time, Nat King Cole, perform his cover version of Victor Young’s When I Fall in Love--- that was it! I knew LOVE was for me.

So quite naturally, when I fell in love with my first boyfriend, at 15 years old, I just knew it would be forever. After all, in every black and white movie I had ever seen, when to people fell in love, even if there was a period of separation, they stayed in love---forever!

Needless to say I found out, the hard way, I did NOT know everything I needed to now about love. In the real world, love is not scripted like the scene in a movie, it not as smooth as the timbre in Nat King Cole’s voice, and I and my EX-boyfriend were not actors playing the role of forever loves.

Right about the time my EX-boyfriend broke my heart, at the tender age of 18 years old, I should have remembered the final line in Victor Young’s song.

…And the moment that I feel that you feel that way too, is when I fall in love with you.

In relationships love should be reciprocal. Love should be felt and shown by each side. Before you decide to fall in love and give your heart completely, you should be clear on 2 things:

Be confident that you are placing your love and heart in good hands.

Be confident that the recipient feels the same way, and that they are willing to express those feelings through mutual exchanges of affection, desire and kindness.

If you go into your next relationship with just those 2 things in mind, you will avoid wasting precious time and avoid the pain of heartache.

To Blog...Nakeia